The Animate Tripe Chronicles

New Mash Up Video

2011-02-09T14:29:00.008-05:00

Greetings to you all once again, my fellow prisoners. It's been a while since I've posted anything, mainly because the majority of my time has been set to tweaking up my electric guitars. Yes, believe it or not, I have a PhD in guitar tinkering 101 as officially handed to me by the school of hard knocks. Basically, the requirement to obtain such a diploma is realizing that you can probably do the job you want done to a guitar (i.e. changing pickups, shielding the cavities, changing the potentiometers, etc.) a hell of a lot better on your own, than having to drive all the way down to bum fucked Egypt and shelling out six to eight hours worth of your hard earned salary in order to get your guitar fixed, to then only drive all the way back to your house and realize that the damn guitar now sounds a lot worse than it did when you took it to your tech! So, I've just decided to avoid that scenario completely by tinkering around with my axes all on my lonesome. I figure if I'm going to blame anyone for a botched job, it might as well be me, after all...

Of course, this post is not about guitars, but rather about another cool video I concocted up about a month or so ago (sometime around late December of 2010 to be exact, since that's the date that this post was supposed to be completed on). I believe this one to be my latest and greatest mash up video which I've ever put together over the course of a couple of nights without a hint of sleep whatsoever. But I'll let you be the judge. The video is a mash up of clips from some of my favorite movies; The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, 2001: A Space Odyssey, The Fifth Element, Wayne's World, and contains some live concert footage of Iggy Pop performing the song "The Passenger" which was the soundtrack (presented here in it's original studio form) to this visual blender of celluloid set to some good ole' fun rollicking music!

I originally produced and edited the film a couple of months back using Real Player's downloadable plug in, which enabled me to get the clips I needed to work with. Then it was just a matter of importing them into my favorite video editor and splicing all the segments together 'til it synced up perfectly with the music. Originally, this project had a mistake during the part where Iggy sings "And he rides and he rides..." What happened here is that there was a brief still (of what I'm assuming was a still shot of the grand canyon during the showroom floor demonstration made possible by Slartibartfast to Arthur Dent when he was showing how his home planet Earth was commissioned and paid for by mice) that popped up for a fraction of a second in between the looped clip of Arthur holding desperately onto the rail of the platform as the two of them (that is he and Slarti) were plummeting towards the Earth Mk. II. The full shot of the side of the canyon then appears of course, moments after. Basically it was a bit of an oversight on my part, which resulted in a brief still popping upon the screen, Tyler Durden style.

And then the other thing which I thought to tweak was the ending of the video where Bruce Willis' character Korben Dallas is checking out the orange haired perfect being Leeloo (AKA: Milla Jovovich) by looking into the rear view mirror of his cab in the Fifth Element. Originally this had a fade out effect, but I figured it was more effective (permit the pun there folks) to just have the scene cut abruptly instead of fading to black. A bit of a trade off, I must say... but it was well worth it, since the duration of Bruce Willis's being shown on the screen would last a bit longer.

So just what happened to the original cut you may wonder? Well... let's just say it's sitting in my hard drive somewhere. After quite a number of hits (167 to be exact--- but who's counting, anyways?) I had ventured into checking out the video on my Droid equipped Smart Phone. I first saved the vid to my favorites before realizing that there was a way one could sign in to their account. So I figured with my favorites and my videos now being readily accessible, I could easily delete the video from my favorites list, since I had it saved in my videos. I was dead wrong. And so... since I had wanted to fix this little minor problem, I just redid the whole uploading process with the corrections on the video, and the result that you see below is a product of me having way too much time on my hands...

My favorite moments from this project were the ones that seemed to happen as a fluke. For instance, the Wayne's World Bohemian Rhapsody sequence being redone to fit the "La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La..." part of the chorus was a bit tricky to splice together. On the six La, I had accidentally trimmed one second of footage a little too short, and it just played beautifully and in sync along with the rest of the song. And then you have the aforementioned shot of the grand canyon morphing into the stargate sequence of 2001: A Space Odyssey. I really didn't plan on it transitioning so seamlessly like that... but that's just how it happened, people! No bull here folks! It was just a beautiful fluke, is all. Kind of like the sun coming up in that Coldplay video for the song Yellow.

Anyways, I don't expect to receive any awards here for my editing skills or anything... since it's hard enough getting at least three people to watch any of my videos. I guess I have to resort to doing something as stupid as say getting hit over the head with a hammer while whistling the Star Spangled Banner in reverse whilst riding a panda with a saddle in order to get some much needed hits on my channel.

This has been P.S. Elliott, (AKA: Dr. Gonzo XXVII) directing the unauthorized biography of my life, hitherto known as The Animate Tripe Chronicles.

Notes on With a Girl Like Page Mash Up and The Fly Kingdom Interview (Full Version)

2010-12-26T11:29:00.022-05:00

Hello again, my fellow prisoners... yesterday I played the part of Veni Vidi Vici Vellini (which is my parody of Federco Fellini, in case anybody's wondering) and edited a mash up video consisting of one of my favorite 60's bands The Troggs singing their hit "With a Girl Like You" and spliced it together with various clips that I found on YouTube of the 50's Queen of Pinups Bettie Page which I downloaded via the use of Real Player and converted to WMV type of files before importing them into Sony Vegas and then proceeding to edit the hell out of all of it for a good six hours or so.

Below is the result of that project... which unfortunately, I'm not quite too happy with, due to the audio not syncing up quite right with the video of The Troggs promotional video for the song. This occurred because I had to delete the audio track to chop up the original clip because the footage of the music video kept displaying underneath the rest of the clips I found on Page, which didn't exactly fit completely into the same frame, for reasons still unbeknownst to this here amateur filmmaker (i.e. yours truly). So I thought I could simply fix this problem by splitting up the segments on the video track and then deleting it... but that wound up deleting portions of the audio track as well. So the next best thing I could come up with was to simply eliminate the audio track and insert it again as a whole new track altogether, but the alignment was a bit too rushed, and I still had to consider the Page clips which I had inserted before; which were already synced up to certain portions of the song itself. Anyways, see it for yourself and enjoy!

Then it was just a matter of copyright issues, which I managed to resolve thanks to this video here. And then I noticed something which left me dumbfounded yesterday was a message that displayed above my upload page. It stated that I could now upload videos that were over 15 minutes in length, which prompted me to upload the full version of The Fly Kingdom documentary which I shot, edited, and produced way back in spring. I also corrected one little oversight which was a name that was missing from the credits (a one Henry Vandenbosche) who was the photographer for one of the pictures contained in the documentary. Anyways... hope you guys dig watching this thing in its entirety, for it was only available before in segments on Dr. Oviedo's* channel on YouTube. Enjoy!

And just a quick note here... I regret to inform that the Doctor and I have had a bit of a bad falling out, which has an official status of "until further notice..." or until Karma sorts our fates out and whatnot--- whichever comes first!

So, c'est la vie to that my friends...!

This has been P.S. Elliott (AKA: Dr. Gonzo XXVII) reporting (if you can call it that!) for the disassociated blog that is The Animate Tripe Chronicles.

* Cryptomusicologist, Ph.D.

Waka Waka Waka This...

2010-12-24T11:44:00.002-05:00

Hello again, my fellow prisoners, this just off the wire...

Popular children's icon and lovable furry muppet star Fozzie T. Bear has announced that he's about to take legal action against international singing sensation Shakira over the issue of copyright infringement. The trouble all began when the famed Columbian singer released this song on May 11th, 2010 and the song was eventually picked up to be the official anthem for by The 2010 FIFA World Cup.

Sources close to Shakira's camp have declined to comment, and her legal team could not be reached for any immediate statement; however, an official press release is in the works, which some experts speculate will bring in a surprise character witness which may in fact have something to do in mediating a settlement between the two parties. This surprise witness has yet to be officially identified but a cryptic message that was left on her answering machine late last night has been intercepted by the folks over at TMZ... that is, The Muppet Zone and not The Thirty Mile Zone; which is another show altogether, folks!

And here is the infamous transcript, verbatim...

Answering Machine: You have reached international singing sensation Shakira. I'm an unable to come to the phone right now because I'm either recording in the studio or off on a tour somewhere in the continental United States. Please leave me a message and I'll get back to you at the sound of the Boom! Boom!

Unidentified Voice, (presumably the mystery character mediating the terms of the settlement): We will agree to the settlement of not one... Ah! Ah! Nor Two... Ah! Ah! But Ten... Ah! Ah! Million Dollars!

A spokes muppet from the Muppet party says that if this proposed settlement is mutually and legally reached, Mr. Bear plans to share the money with The Sesame Street Fund and use the rest to buy his brother Kermit a brand new Rainbow.

This has been Dr. Gonzo XXVII (AKA: P.S. Elliott; muckraker-at-large) reporting for the disassociated blog that is The Animate Tripe Chronicles.

Tweet This...!

2010-11-20T18:02:00.008-05:00

Hello again my fellow prisoners, it's been a while since I've posted anything up on my blog, especially ever since I had that cathartic realization that I almost died due to some reckless driver smashing into the entrance of a post office that I was dropping off some mail to at the time... but my only excuse here is... hey, it's the holidays! So I guess I'm entitled to a little break, plus some great barbecue turkey! Yes, that's right... it's a family specialty. The kind that the folks at work insist on having each and every godforsaken year; even though they don't scarf it down completely. Yes, that's right! It's like giving a surplus of food some poor underdeveloped third world starving country (coming soon to America, so stay tuned for that one by the way...!), only to find that some UN relief effort beat me to it, and so I had to endure the sight of watching food go to waste; directly into our company trash can! And just who the hell said that Thanksgiving was a holiday to be thankful for, anyways?!? I'm definitely sure that he wasn't a Native American who had to put up with all the frightening new exotic diseases that all of these European settlers brought over with them! Oh well, at least they gave them all a nice luxury parting gift in return... the size of a big spacious gaming casino, with ample parking at least!

Anyways, enough of that venting, for there are certainly more interesting topics to cover that have spanned over the course of my last couple of blog posts, which I haven't had the time to write up on due to my daily tryptophan intake! Yes, leftovers too, I might add! Burp! Whoa, excuse me... The first topic that I'd like to bring to light here is America's most beloved scientist; Bill Nye the Science Guy passing out during a lecture.

At first glance, I thought well... shit happens, right? But it's when I actually started reading this link that the air of being surrounded by a mass of mind numbingly dumb nitwits began to don on me. This followed by the further sentiment of... "Well, this is America, after all!" didn't really seem to do it enough for me to just let this go.

I just want to ask some people out there who still have a perfectly able enough conscious is: "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?" Shouldn't the immediate reaction be to get up and see what the hell is going on with our fallen lecturer here? No... wait! Not until we tweet it first! Maybe, if I'm lucky enough I'll find a friend that's not even on my tweet list and then tweet, and retweet to his recent update which is maybe on par with mine. Maybe, just maybe I can sue him for infringement rights, since after all, his tweet which proclaims that: "That Bill Nye, the Science Dork just fell on his ass during a speech... Hollah!" shares many similarities with my "Yo... Bill Nye fell! He ain't aight! Hollah back, yo!" Well--- that's just wishful thinking, for I don't think it will hold up in court. What will hold up, is if you do something regrettably (if not remarkably) stupid, such as say; threaten to blow some airport up on a Twitter post! Yes, you heard right, folks... it seems as though some rather disgruntled frequent flyer had it up to here with some really long lines and waiting at the airport, that he sarcastically twitted, or tweeted (whatever) that he'd rather go out with a bang than have to keep waiting in line. Imagine that!

Maybe some folks, just need a little bit of common sense. Sarcasm is a very hard thing to read into, especially online when there's no voice over narrative guiding your little impressionable head through it all. Well, then again... maybe he's a secret MI5 operative that's just doing the country proud, by elevating the threat level to maxi pad colored red; you know... just like John Travolta did in Swordfish. Believe it or not, he was the good guy in that one, folks! After all, the world won't feel safe until we get more scenes like this one being played out, right before our "securely safe" eyes...

Yes, that's right... a seven year old kid is getting patted down by some rather intellectually challenged individuals who got nothing else better to do than to blame the pressures of their job for simply doing what they have to do to ensure the safety of us all! BULL-FUCKING-SHIT, I say! The next time you see a scene like this one, you should immediately stop what you're doing and ask yourself if it's any different from this scene you're about to see here... (and please click on the link for a full explanation of what you are seeing).

And by that, I don't mean that there's a potential threat involved, but rather an abuse of power. Personally, if I had no other choice but to pass through a security check point and relinquish my last thread of civic freedom to a brute reactionary, then I insist that they fondle me as best as they can; just as long as the screener (i.e. strip searcher in training) looks like a cross between Raquel Welch and Daisy Fuentes! Ummm... 'kay!?! In other words, I have to go gaga if they're going to put their fingers up my nargas! You get it, folks?!? And I'm sure that once we implement this opposite sex search (using really hot models in their mid-twenties and early-thirties, just as a highly preventative measure to avoid any under aged potential lawsuits and whatnot) then I'm sure we can do something to really beef up this rather lengthy screening process at the airport! I guarantee it! First thing these tea baggers have to do to help out is simply close down all the Vietnamese massage parlors (I'm sorry... health clinics) riddled around the city and grant the illegally employed immigrants some work visas, just as long as they rub their magic fingers over some likely targets (i.e. seven year old Timmy over here!) Timmay!!!

So imagine that! Dinner and a show! Could you really complain now about the dissociation between logic and just the basic not giving a shit that millions of Americans are engaged in on a day-to-day basis?!? I mean, have you really taken a good look outside and seen what's been going on lately, or are you as happy as an ostrich with your heads buried in the ground to the news around the world? Of course, I was only asking that rhetorically, for it goes without saying that we as a nation of stupid people get what we deserve... which is nothing but a finger being shoved our ass by somebody's whose IQ is probably just a pancake or two short of some good batter mix and juicy syrup to boot!

And excuse me if my writing seems just a bit too cynical here, but once I get into that whole stream of consciousness writing trip, it's hard to stop, for it's just the usual modus operandi speaking via the means of far fetched reasoning and sound thinking, here folks! Far be it from these skinny sized articles to actually perpetuate themselves into something as say... highly pretentious as a Facebook status update! And ironically enough (or should I say hypocritical enough?) I had posted that article about Bill Nye passing out on my Facebook account just to see if anybody really cared. About one friend did, whom just happens to be on the same level as I am half the time; whilst the rest of the time he's sharing links about fashion, music, and other stuff that I could hardly care less about.

I really fail to understand what the big whoop is with all these status updates; especially when they get so self-centered and annoying. You only have to be somebody's friend to know them well enough, but when they start sharing things such as what color ink they're planning on employing for their next bodily tattoo, and you have to think twice about replying: "Hooray for Hepatitis C!" then I think it's time you reconsider leaving your friend on your A list, and put them on the other A list... which stands for ASSHOLE! That's why I admire people like Jimmy Kimmel, who was wise (and clever enough to beat me to the punch) for his National UnFriend Day Campaign! Wow! I mean... I seriously had no idea that there was a holiday for something I regularly do when I can no longer stomach people I hardly know and only met once at a party or something! Imagine that! Great minds do think alike... although I'm not really a great mind; but rather just a smart ass! Hey, at least it's better than being a dumb ass, folks!

Now since, I had been out of the loop and haven't tuned into watching Kimmel for quite some time now, I regret not being able to un-friend my list of annoying/so-called "friends" from my Facebook page, but I'm sure as hell going to put all the effort I can into maintaining the tradition and proclaiming: ADIOS MOTHERFUCKERS!!! Every time somebody mentions something as self-fulfilling of a half assed prophecy as say; sharing what flavored mocca-chino they just had in that new coffee shop that just opened up across the street on a quiet Friday afternoon right after they banged some guy that was hung like a Panda! I mean, seriously... do I freakin' need to know that?!? Puuhhhllleeeaaazzzzeeee! Anyways, for those of you that are still not in the know abut this new nationally contrived holiday for us "specially elite social inept-o's" flying high off this still uncompleted ramp on the internet superhighway over here... allow me to share some videos from Jimmy's show that will hopefully explain this baffling concept to this self-serving online social community-at-large. So without any further ado... enjoy these visuals right here!

Amen, Mr. Kimmel! Thank you for sharing that remarkably sound concept of simple "common sense," which is a rare commodity nowadays. One of which, is sadly becoming extinct, just as the ratio of intelligence is increasingly getting shorter and shorter, and the ratio of short attention spans are getting higher and higher. But, let me add that I'm still not so sure as to whether this crazy grip that technology has on our primary bodily functions has on us; namely our social skills... that is, before our bodily secretions have also been controlled by our online social network accounts! I can just imagine the logo for that one...

This will probably be the next best thing to a solar powered light bulb! Think about it, folks! If we can just manage to get harness all this creative energy into concepts such as... I don't know, actually getting involved with some peace mission project, and feeding a starving population of hungry kids, then maybe we wouldn't waste so much time in typing up what you just did four minutes ago; or one hour ago, or shit! Three days ago?!? Has it been this long?!? Well, time flies when you're having fun, right?!? Then again, maybe I'm just a dreamer, but I'm not the only one like John said. I'm fully convinced that this nation still has some good left in it; it can be turned back from the dark side. And so I'm sure it will be just a matter of time, before we can start helping to end global poverty and cure AIDS, and stop paying attention to fools that like to interrupt acceptance speeches and declare their teeth a mining free zone, with an all trespassers will be shot on sight notice sticking out of their noses. Well, okay... maybe that's not the case, but when you think of how many kids are starving to death; and most of which have probably given their lives for the sake of mining your blood diamonds that you're so prominently displaying on your ivories, then you really have to stand back and admit to the world that you're an asshole! With a capital K-A-Y-N-E (space) W-E-S-T!

This has been P.S. Elliott (or the resident Pisser Ap still in development, going under the code name Dr. Gonzo XXVII) reporting for the dissasociated blog that is The Animate Tripe Chronicles.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Dream Cast

2010-11-17T18:56:00.011-05:00

Hello again, my fellow prisoners, I just wanted to give my two cents worth to you all once again... simply because a) I've recently picked up the pace again, thus rendering my writer's block a near extinct facet of my psyche/thing of the past, and b) I really dig this whole new series of dream cast lineups; which tends to keep the creative juices flowing long enough, simply when I can't think of something better to write. Not that this here piece is filler or anything, far from it... a lot of thought went into this dream cast lineup proposal, so pay attention!

As you may all already be aware, I hadn't written some blog posts in quite some time, and had to resort to the usual public service ads (i.e. filler material) that I let loose every now and again to help out some of my friends that are currently up to something, but ever since that incident with the old woman hitting the postal service entrance on Monday... I figured I might as well live every moment as if it were my last and every minute as if it were my first; before I spring myself off of this mortal coil and whatnot. So, since I'm still under the impression that I still have a few good ideas left in me, here goes... This here's my latest piece that I'd like to share with all of you fellow Hitchhiker's out there in the blogosphere.

Anyways, as you can already tell by the title, one of favorite books of all time, and its adaptation onto the big screen (without a doubt) is none other than: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I've always been fond of the original BBC production, which featured members of a yet even more original inception of the series, which was a BBC radio broadcast; going by the same name of course! The movie, on the other hand, had been in development hell for a little over two decades and finally made it to theaters in 2005. However, despite all the impressive visual effects, revamps, and little tweaks here and there to the original, it still doesn't match the brilliantly produced and awfully lower budgeted BBC television series, in my humble opinion. The shortcuts taken really didn't do the characters justice, such as that of Ford Prefect. His introduction into the story was almost completely butchered by the decision to have him wheeling in a shopping cart full of beer (or should I say pints of bitter?) so that he and Arthur can prepare for the hyperspace jump onboard a passing Volgon constructor fleet spacecraft... try saying that three times fast!

Gone was the clever exchange between the chief foreman of the demolition crew and Ford, which is one of the best moments from the television broadcast. What I do commend the casting department on was the actor that they chose as the demolition foreman; due to the fact that in the novel he's described as a far removed descendant of Genghis Khan, which is closer and truer to Douglas Adams' vision than the actor they chose to portray him in the television series. Another omission was the Dentrassi, which are in the in flight caterers responsible for beaming Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect onto the ship. That was perhaps one of the highly overlooked little tidbits, which may perhaps even be one the biggest plot holes out there. As some of you in the sci-fi geek community may know, Dentrassi dislike the Volgons and like to upset them by doing something like beaming stowaways aboard without the proper paperwork signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as fire lighters! I guess that's what happens when most of the budget for a film is spent on very gear looking Volgon costumes.

Another little gripe of mine is the trimmed down explanation of a Babel fish, omitting the whole God does not exist argument. It is featured in a deleted scene if you purchase the DVD, but I suppose the God fearing bible belt climate of film goers probably objected to it during test screenings, thus rendering it on the cutting room floor. What was clever was the substitution of the cow getting milked and falling in love with its farmhand. And cows, by the way are sacred in India... so maybe that was the best consolation prize they had to offer. Speaking of which, the character of Trillian Astra or Trisha McMillan as she's known on Earth was originally meant to be a slim, darkish humanoid, with long waves of black hair, a full mouth, an odd little knob of a nose and ridiculously brown eyes; to which I can only presume to be of an Indian-like descent; or to be more exact... in accordance with Douglas Adam's account; of an Arabic descent. Ford Prefect was described as being not conspicuously tall, with features that were striking but not conspicuously handsome. He had hair that was wiry and gingerish and brushed backwards from the temples. His skin seemed to be pulled backwards from the nose; all of this of course is almost the exact polar opposite of Mos Def, who's almost completely clean shaven for the film, and taller than you would expect Ford's character to be. The one thing that I do give him props for is the fact that he held onto his American accent for the film, making the claim that he was from Guildford seem yet even more odder than it actually was. The scene with him greeting an actual Ford Prefect automobile, under the impression that it was the highly evolved species on the planet, was also a very nice touch.

Still, I can go on and on about how I admire certain aspects from specific versions of this film and nitpick on a bunch of others. Everything is okay the way it is; and it will never be perfect, understandably. But, if the BBC does decide to perhaps consider developing the series once again (especially with its highly anticipated sequels) with a completely new cast, I'd urge them to consider this lineup. Arthur Dent should be played by Jack Davenport, simply because he's taller than your average apelike descendant (who probably knows no more of the history of the tea leaf than the East India trading company) while Ford Prefect could be best portrayed by David Tennant. Both of them hands down, are my number one choice. Oddly enough, Jack was also in the talks for playing Arthur in the movie version of this sci-fi classic, and Douglas Adams did write some episodes for Doctor Who, so it wouldn't be that much of a stretch to incorporate these two brilliant actors, based on that sort of obscure cosmic connection.

L to R: Jack Davenport, David Tennant,
Emmanuelle Chriqui, Rhys Ifans

The characters of Trillian and Zaphod, on the other hand, are complete toss ups; heads or tails, that is. My first choice to play Trillian would be the gorgeous Emmanuelle Chriqui and Rhys Ifans could play the best interpretation of Zaphod Beeblebrox. Of course, in the busy world that is Hollywood, chances are that these actors and/or actresses can't make it due to some other kind of contractual obligation, which is usually why film projects take so long to make, or why sometimes you just gotta make do with what you got. So, let's just say that this project can't get the whole lineup together and they'd have to settle for alternate choices to play the parts and what have you. I, myself, couldn't think of anybody better suited for the main two roles, however I did a little thinking and thought up of some rather suitable second choices to play the parts of Trillian and Zaphod. And the nominees are (drumroll, please...)

Alterate choices for Trillian and Zaphod
L to R: Thandie Newton and Mick Jagger

We ought to get Mick Jagger to play the role of Zaphod. No joke! Mick's no stranger to acting, for he has done his share of performances (pun) on film, and most importantly his flamboyant rock n' roll persona is almost the perfect embodiment of what Zaphod is, with just the right touch of bureaucratic incompetence to boot; which I'm definitely sure Mick can pull off ever so masterfully. And as for Trillian, the second choice I'd get to play her would most likely be Thandie Newton, simply because she can easily bring just the right mix of brainy sophistication to the role (without a hitch). Come to think of it, she can easily play the alternate Trillian, or Trisha, if the series were to last that long and not get canceled due to heavy production costs and what have you. I'm sure that both actresses can easily pull off the British accent easily enough, so I'm sure that shouldn't be too much trouble; union and/or other-wise... that is!

So that's about it for me and this lame brained idea Hollywood... (which took about a month to write, since I'm such a literary slacker). Thanks for putting up with this fan's humble request. This has been P.S. Elliott (or Dr. Gonzo XXVII) reporting for the dissassociated blog that is The Animate Tripe Chronicles.

The Man From U.N.C.L.E. Dream Cast

2010-11-17T16:07:00.006-05:00

Hello again, my fellow prisoners... I just thought I'd put up this post before it was too late; meaning, before they announce the actual finalized and official lineup for the movie adaptation of The Man from U.N.C.L.E., and not just put out some publicly announced speculation..., which I'm slowly developing a taste for, ever since I picked up the complete DVD collection of this classic 60's show as an import made and shipped directly from China (please visit this link for more details). Yes, that's right... it's cheaper, but sometimes you can tell it's a real bad bootleg because the video freezes up or the disc has been burnt incorrectly (i.e. wrong episode on the wrong disc)! But who cares? It's fun to welcome randomness like that into one's life... along with some pretty cool factory error'ed souvenirs, that were produced by slave driven labor... Far be it from me to not directly make a contribution to China's wealthy economy; because after all is said and done... I'm an American, with a capital I- A,M- A,N- Idiot!

Well, you can argue economics all you like, but it's basically a double edged sword here, when you come to think about it. Because for every penny that's thrown their way, you can either help feed one of their starving villages (if you can find one!) or bid farewell to about say... a million or so dollars that we have currently tied up in their business ventures. Hell, when you really come to think about it; I wouldn't be surprised if Asia moves into our country and leaves an eviction notice on our homes, which had recently been repossessed by all of our banks... oh wait, they own the banks to, sorry my bad! But always remember, you're in good hands! And speaking of good hands, can you please massage my back just a little further down? Yes, that's right! Thank you Kim. Your name is Kim, right? Oh what's that? I'm under arrest?!? But this is a health clinic, right? No I wasn't asking for you to perform an unsavory sexual act... I was just blogging about a bitchin' movie idea!

Okay, well--- before I go off on that tangent and attempt to plea my case before a court somewhere in a Mormon community somewhere; let's take a look at what I'd envision to be the perfect Man from U.N.C.L.E. cast, should Hollywood decide to listen to my insanity, that is! Just so you know, I'm working on a couple of script ideas, that will most likely be revised, re-edited, and revamped into a more passively compromised secondhand draft that I'll openly disavow any knowledge of and inevitably disown as coming from my imagination. So, with all that being said... here's what would have been the perfect dream cast.

Dream Lineup No. 1 (L to R): Kyle MacLachlan,
Ben Foster, & the late Pat Hingle.

This first lineup, which includes Kyle MacLachlan (of Twin Peaks fame), Ben Foster (the badass from 3:10 to Yuma), and Pat Hingle (who sadly passed away a few years back) is primarily based on the semblance to the original cast of Robert Vaughn, David McCallum, and Leo G. Carroll.

See for yourself...

L to R: David McCallum, Robert
Vaughn and Leo G. Carroll.

Of course, a lineup like this is hard to put together, mainly because one of the actors is dead; this actor is no more; this actor has ceased to be (thank you Monty Python parrot sketch!) and also because of how vain and shallow the industry is sometimes towards actors in their forties. Just because we live in the age of stupid, where lines of experience and sage wisdom can simply be removed by a botox injection or some kind of surgical procedure that involves stretching of some flabby skin over to the back of the skull; simply to look youthful. That's the price they pay for vanity, folks! Anyways, I wouldn't doubt that some hot shot Hollywood mogul out there would make the stupid assumption that Mr. MacLachlan wouldn't be a strong enough contender for the lead role of Napoleon Solo simply because of his age, or some poor excuse like that... even though he bears quite a striking resemblance to Robert Vaughn. All you need to do is squint your eyes a bit and look at his chin and how his look like whenever he smiles. It's almost identical to Robert Vaughn's jaw line and pearly set of whites! So with that being said, here's the more likely cast that Hollywood will almost certainly go with...

Dream Lineup No. 2 (L to R): George Clooney,
Sean William Scott, & Eddie Izzard

I figure that there's a good chance George Clooney will play the role of Solo, simply because of his previous work with Steven Soderbergh (i.e. Out of Sight, which practically made Clooney a household name!) and Sean William Scott will most likely wind up with the role if someone else can't make it, possibly due to some busy scheduling conflicts. Eddie Izzard will most likely play Waverly, simply because he has worked with Clooney before (i.e. Ocean's Twelve and Thirteen) plus he's English, which gives him all the credentials (and upshot advantage) which are needed to play the role of Alexander Waverly. So there you go...Personally, I think that the ultimate line up would involve Kyle MacLachlan as Napoleon Solo, Ben Foster, for his uncanny resemblance to Illya Kuryakin, and Eddie Izzard as Alexander Waverly, which may require some slight aesthetic in the hair and makeup department to make Eddie look a bit older, but I'm sure he'd be the perfect shoe in for the job, either way! Plus, he's one of my favorite comedians, so I just couldn't pass up the chance to nominate him in the name of the prime minister of Burundi, whilst planting a flag on the moon and then proceeding to ask: "Is this the sea of tranquility?" I'm not too crazy about Soderbergh directing it though, since the directorial responsibilities should be given to Richard Donner... I mean, after all, he did direct a number of episodes from the original series. So why wouldn't it make sense for him to direct the film?!?

Also, as a little bonus trivia; which may or may not be an actual piece of trivia, but a really big coincidence here... when George Lucas and Steven Spielberg penned Indiana Jones, it was originally going to be called Indiana Smith; which I'm sure you die hard fans already know, but they were considering doing a James Bond type spy movie as an alternate project. Doesn't this little tidbit strike you as monumentally coincidental that Harrison Ford, who played Han Solo in George's earlier project Star Wars bears the same last name as Napoleon?!? And furthermore, the prop guns used in the movie and in the show (which was later edited into full movies as well) were both of the same lines of guns that were developed and made possible by the Third Reich! Solo's blaster was a modified Broomhandle Mauser C96 and the sensational prop gun featured in The Man from U.N.C.L.E. was a Mauser Model 1934 Pocket Pistol, which was eventually replaced by a Walther P38 Pistol, simply because it was unreliable (i.e. kept jamming). Hmmm... just what is it about fallen dictatorships' choice of firearms that make for sensational movie prop weapons? I'll never know... There was even an episode where a character made a reference to a familiar group of unsavory characters (i.e. The Thugee cult) and later on the goddess Kali is mentioned. Ring a bell, folks? Looks like someone's liable to get sued here, folks!

Oh well, until next time... this has been Dr. Gonzo XXVII (AKA: P.S. Elliott; Special Agent in charge of Special Detail Section 7E - Northwest Sanitation Division) reporting for the International Agency of Smart Ass Remarks and Comments, otherwise known as the IASRC, but more commonly referred to as The Animate Tripe Chronicles. Open channel D!

P.S. Oh... and one more thing, this movie wouldn't be complete if it didn't feature any cameos by the members of the old cast, so Robert Vaughan and David McCallum should have to appear as a requisite, otherwise you shouldn't bother watching the film!

Top Seven Instrumentals

2010-11-17T13:30:00.002-05:00

Hello friends, it's once again time for another top seven list live (or somewhat nearly declared dead) from our home office in Miami, Florida... the new tea bagger capital of the United States! Originally I had christened this blog post the top 7 60's Era Instrumentals, but due to the fact that I just couldn't keep the very popular Santo & Johnny tune on the list on account of a technicality (it was released in 1959... thus rendering any semblance of chronology here just a bit out of whack) so then I decided to re-entitle the blog post as The Top 7 Instrumentals of All Time, thus enabling me to include a number (or two) that didn't specifically pertain to the era of peace, love, and happiness, but may in fact cross over into the era of sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. In the end I decided against the "...Of All Time" suffix, because it was just downright omitting and a bit arrogant as well (directly and/or indirectly of course... since I usually like to keep my ears open to all kinds of music out there, and close them immediately if the music sounds like total shite as the King's English may proclaim) of various other pieces of instrumental music out there.

Through the process of elimination, I personally feel that these are the songs that have withstood the test of time and can easily be identified in several parts of world; with the exception of the younger generation residing in America, whom think that their parents are all just simply bent ole' bastards. But screw them, I mean... what in the hell do they know about popular music anyways? I also regret not including The Surfaris groundbreaking hit Wipe Out... simply on account of the fact that there was some vocals (or spoken word preceded by some cacophonous laughter) but oh well. With that being said, here's yet another...

Top 7 List
(Of Instrumentals)

7) Frankenstein - The Edgar Winter Group - Released in 1973

6) Albatross - Fleetwood Mac - Released in 1969

5) Sleepwalk - Santo & Johnny - Released in 1959

4) Pipeline - The Chantays - Released in 1963

3) Green Onions - Booker T & The MG's - Released in 1962

2) Miserlou - Dick Dale & the Del-Tones - Released in 1962

1) Yakety Sax - Boots Randolph - Released in 1963

You have been listening to the smooth and soniferous sounds of P.S. Elliott (AKA: Dr. Gonzo XXVII) reciting an ariatic piece from his debut album The Animate Tripe Chronicles. Catch you on the flip side...!

The National Hellth (sic)

2010-11-16T23:30:00.003-05:00

Greetings again, my fellow prisoners, I just saw a post, left by a friend of mine, who I just acquired on Facebook, without actually meeting them in person, that is... Has that ever happened to you? Well, it's a friend of a friend, to be exact! Basically a friend that I haven't met, but eventually will, once I run into my friend who just so happens to be a friend of theirs, too. Anyways, this post was actually a repost... no wait, I'm thinking of Twitter and its re-tweets. This was more of a direct message (of sorts) which I just couldn't help but to share my two cents worth by providing a perfectly viable solution, which was basically contacting our president about this downright national concern in hopes that he'll do something about it and not let the nation's fate fall (and/or fail for that matter) in the hands of these bloody tea baggers!

Take a look at this and ask yourself if you don't think it's time we had universal health coverage that is granted to us without the need for spending a ludicrous and downright obscene amount of money on co-payments, deductibles, prescriptions, or any of them other finely high price gouged incentives that the pharmaceutical companies are giving the doctors they pay off to push their wonder drugs on us... which by the way, don't really do anything except give us side effects that some other wonder drugs that they also give to us will almost certainly take care of; that is if we can avoid living with the adverse affect of a side effect or two. Enjoy!

Just so you know, I immediately copied and pasted this video onto a message that I sent to President Obama's Channel on YouTube. And now I'm going to the write him a message on this very same subject at this here website's direct contact link (please click if you're as concerned as I am), for I can no longer sit idly by and condone passivity for something that's so downright and fundamentally important to us... as important as our liberties are, folks, so is our right to live! So if you're as motivated to do something about it as I am (or already did, for that matter) please contact the President and tell him to make Universal Healthcare a top priority!

Thank you, this message wasn't paid or approved by anyone, except for the friends of P.S. Elliott (i.e. Dr. Gonzo XXVII), reporting for the disassociated blog that is The Animate Tripe Chronicles.

The Legend of Zelda Dream Cast

2010-11-14T15:42:00.002-05:00

Greetings again my fellow prisoners, I just wanted to take this time to announce a new series of installments that all center around the usual nerdy/geeky movie buff's (such as me, myself, and I don't think so!) attempts to prove to the word that he knows a thing or two about the right casting decisions... more than the typical Hollywood machine would give him credit for--- or at least manage to pay some semblance of some pretty decent scale for.

I'd like to start off with this gem that I found whilst channel surfing the net. And that is the Legend of Zelda movie, which isn't exactly a movie, but more like a cruel practical joke (that just so happened to be put out there on April 1st) played by some pretty nice and highly elaborate production company. So without any further ado, get a load of this...

Let's imagine, if you will, that there are not some pretty twisted sons of bitches out there who have nothing to do but to yank the proverbial cranks of some diehard followers of The Legend of Zelda franchise, and that some slick wheeling and dealing Hollywood producer would actually consider producing an actual live action film based on this highly successful gaming series. Well, let me just begin by offering you all what I believe to be the perfect dream cast.

For the role of the Elvin-like hero, the part should go (hands down) to Michael Cera. Reason being, that he's already had some experience playing an action adventure comic book superhero (i.e. Scott Pilgrim) so why not become step into the shoes of a legendary video game hero by the name of Link? It could happen...

As for our fair princess Zelda, let's give the part to our favorite cheerleader, whose world can be saved if we just save her in time! And that part should go to none other than Hayden Panettiere. All that's required here is just some minor adjustments to her ears (some left over Vulcan prosthetics should come in handy) and you've got yourself a heroine or damsel in distress (depending on how close the script will respect the source material and all)!

As for the villain, well... who better can fill the shoes of the evil wizard Gannon than Oliver Platt? Why not? He's already portly enough to look like a pig-like demon, no? After all, he did make a phenomenal pig of himself in the original Showtime series Huff (letter to the execs: why the hell did they have to cancel this show?!?)

And the part of the sage old man who guides Link along his quest (in the underworld dungeons, in the over world caves, and just about everywhere and anywhere else... kind of makes you wonder if they had hologram projection capabilities in Hyrule, doesn't it?) can easily be played by Sir Ian McKellen. I'm not exactly sure if he's been knighted yet or not, but what the hell? Any actor with a thick English accent deserves to be a Sir sooner or later in their career, no? All that's needed is some left over wardrobe from The Lord of the Rings movies, with maybe some slight tailor made modifications here and there and you've got yourself some Oscar award winning material on your hands, here folks...

So in short, that's about as good an idea as another Butterfly Effect sequel! This has been P.S. Elliott (AKA: Dr. Gonzo XXVII; the Movie Guy?) reporting for the disassociated blog that is The Animate Tripe Chronicles. Stay tuned for our next dream cast installment...

Top Seven Reasons Why...

2010-07-06T14:34:00.004-04:00

Hello again, my fellow prisoners, I'm slowly starting to arrive at the conclusion that my life is never going to get that much better than the sad, sorry, shape that it's in right now. This is (just like the movie) As Good As It Gets! So because of this, I realize that it's much better to blog about these things than to keep it

So here it goes, these are the top seven reasons why...

YOUR JOB SUCKS!!!

7) Whilst at work, you are subjected to hearing long sermons (AKA: water cooler talk) about trivial unimportant stuff that's not even remotely related to your field of interests--- for example, the new Harry Potter film and how it may or may not remain true to the book; restaurant spots to take your date, fiance, and/or significant other on; (What significant other, motherfucker?!? That's my hand you're talkin' 'bout, you idiot!) some vampire meets werewolf and have some sort of illegitimate offspring together type of movie, that just so happens to be the bomb because some teeny bopper zine wrote about it in some high profile celebrity rag drab out there (and these movies, by the way, usually star some post adolescent Mouseketeers that are about long overdue for an almost certain trip to a rehab clinic of some sort); and/or just about any other annoying thing anybody out there with a perfectly sane mind can think of, that will and almost certainly manage to annoy the hell out of "normal" people like you and me; or simply yours truly over here... come to think of it, everything annoys me severely! So fuck you, too!

6) Your boss's idea of saving up on his electrical bill by constantly conserving needless energy (such as air conditioning) is at odds with your own level of thermodynamic self-preservation. In other words, the AC shall be cranked up to artic blast during winter and set to Beezelbub's room temperature during the summer.* No wonder personal electric fans are still a hot selling item this side of Scandinavia!

5) During your moments of clarity (that is when the voices in your head are not instructing you to stab your co-workers in the eye with any one of the office fax machines) you keep getting this repeat mantra, that goes a little something like this: "You've worked here for about seven years of your miserable pathetic life, and all your earning is just a few measly cents upon what you used to earn when you first got here! Why can't you find a better job for yourself? Why'd you quit college? It serves you right... blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!" This, of course, will be preceded by a very low and continuous hum; sort of like what yogi gurus use to meditate in select parts of the western world, as they are constantly earning millions upon millions of dollars suckering some uptight corporate office drones out of their hard earned cash! Ohhhhhmmmmmmmmm! Ohhhhhhmmmmmmmm! Payday today, Master Chatbrakah Pandinger Singh? I thought that was yesterday? Ohhhhhmmmmmmm! Ohhhhmmmmmm!

5b) Raise? What raise...?

4) People who don't really care about you enough to do the proverbial meet and greet with you on the weekends and/or any and all bank related holidays at just about any typical garden variety watering hole constantly have the nerve to come up to you and ask: "So how was your weekend?" that is, after they interrupt your response by sharing yet another one of those status: unconscious via total inebriation stories that only make sense to them and whoever they invited to witness that spectacle firsthand... these invitees by the way, are usually every other one of your co-workers (minus you, of course!).

3) You constantly find yourself glancing at your watch, your computer's atomic clock, and/or your telephone's clock digital display just to make sure you're still in sync with the times. Because the last thing you want to do is clock out a bit too late... that is, you want to be the first to get the hell out of here, when you're usually the last one to show up on time! Go figure...

2) Overtime? What overtime?!?

1) You have to continue doing this waking up in the middle of your prolonged weekend routine (AKA: doing the Monday morning grind) until you've managed to pay off the large amount of debt you accrued just by playing at the roulette table that is Wall Street!

This has been P.S. Elliott (or the highly evaporated disgruntled office employee going by the pseudonym of Dr. Gonzo XXVII) reporting for the disassociated blog that is The Animate Tripe Chronicles. Peace (frog) out!

* No joke here, folks... this is 99.9% true; with that 0.1% there for posterity purposes, which goes to give the head honcho some likely benefit of the doubt.

Interview with Lauren Reskin of Sweat Records

2010-06-29T23:29:00.010-04:00

Hello again my fellow prisoners, after quite some time of being on this whole gloomy oil disaster trip, I've decided to shift gears and get back into Gonzo mode once again (before I get committed to chain link windows) and report a story of what I consider to be of great import; (and sometimes even export to, if you want to get technical about it...) specifically for the sake of the finest musicians this city has to offer. Of course, bear in mind that this interview was out there for quite some time, still gathering the much needed A section of a Q session. So for a while there, I guess you can technically say it was a one-way interview between myself and the unknown variable that is fate throwing some dice. And it just so happens that today I checked my inbox and lo' and behold... I rolled a seven! For I noticed that the interviewee (i.e. a one Lauren Reskin) had taken her time to fill out her responses carefully and to the best of her highly articulate abilities, and provided me with some pretty straightforward and directly to the point answers. No fluff here, folks... this is all bunny free, satisfaction guaranteed! And so it gives me a great privilege to share with you all the skinny on a pretty groovy record store by the name of Sweat Records. So without any further ado, here it is, folks! Enjoy...

PS: How long have you lived in Florida? Are you an original native of this land in the sun of ours?

LR: I was born in South Miami and have lived here all my life.

PS: What inspired you to open a record store?

LR: The fact that by the time I was getting out of high school, Miami didn't really have a sort of classic indie record store. The city is very spread out and I knew it would become a destination for music lovers from all over, not to mention visiting tourists looking for Miami culture beyond the South Beach scene.

View from the inside...pretty cool for such
a sweaty place, dontcha think, folks?

PS: Why is it called "Sweat" Records? Is there a story behind that name? Did you come up with it yourself? Details please...

LR: My friend Sara who co-founded the store and I chose Sweat for several reasons. First is that it's Miami, it's sweaty. Second is that we do a lot of yoga together. Third is that the term can be used like "I'm sweating that new Broken Bells record so hard." It just works.

PS: What's your opinion of the Miami music scene in general? What do you feel are its strengths and weaknesses?

LR: The scene is on a massive upswing. Strengths-wise we have a TON of fantastic bands and artists making unique music and putting on great live shows, and lots of people actually going out to see these local shows. As for weaknesses, the scene in general could always use a few more venues, especially places that cater to all ages. A lot of bands I know could also use proper management to help guide them along. It's sad to see a band that's crazy talented but can't get their shit together enough to get merchandise made or properly promote their own shows.

View from the outside...courtesy of Google Maps
street (AKA: roadside stalker) view.

PS: Do you feel as though your store serves a great purpose as far as turning the masses on to the local talent that Florida has to offer is concerned?

LR: Absolutely, and once we launch our local webstore (hopefully by the end of the summer), we'll have an even broader reach.

PS: Your store has been voted in The New Times best of category... what were the exact titles/nominations that you all received honorable mention for again?

LR: To answer your question... We've been voted Best New Music Store (in our first year); Best Record/CD Store a couple times, and recently Best Birthday Party for our Sweatstock event last April. They sorta stopped giving us "Best Record Store" because we're really almost the only record store.

Ready? Set... Sweat!
SweatStock
(April 2010)

PS: Do you think that these noteworthy write-ups have succeeded in driving more customers to your store, or at least done something more beneficial for your place, in as far as getting some type of recognition for what you all do, or better put... have these votes gotten the word out about your venue?

LR: Not sure if it brings us a ton of new customers but it's nice to be recognized either way. They write about our events all the time anyways, so we love The New Times and totally support what they're doing.

PS: What do you feel as though your store has to offer that can't be found in any other typical record store?

LR: Well, local flavor for sure, and we're the only vegan coffee shop in South Florida so we've gotten a huge response from that. We're the only place in the whole tri-county area to carry Sweet & Sara vegan marshmallows from NYC, and we've started doing vegan brunch on Sundays. We also throw a ton of in-store events every month and do everything from stand-up comedy to circuit bending workshops.

And here we see a local musician (Rachel Goodrich)
who's definitely got her shit together... showing
her support for Sweat (and Heineken, too!)

PS: Aside from the aforementioned endeavor of yours, with the plans you have with the whole online store and whatnot, what else do you see in the immediate future for your store? Will there be more store locations, or do you plan on staying in the same location long enough to establish a sort of long term reputation, like say a mom and pop shop... you know, like something along the lines of what Tobacco Road and/or Churchill's has garnered for themselves due to longevity and all?

LR: In the immediate future we just want to stay here and hone and improve our location into the best record store it can possibly be. Longevity is our main goal so we don't want to dilute our resources just yet.

So there you have it folks; Sweat, Live Music, Stand-Up Comedy Acts, Vegan Eatery, and a pretty chill place to hang out at... all under one roof! Definitely worth checking out. You can visit Sweat Records at the following links listed below for more details, or if you're in the area, just walk on in and check the place out for yourself, live and in person! It's located at 5505 NE 2nd Avenue (directly situated right next to Churchill's Pub).

- http://sweatrecordsmiami.com

- http://www.facebook.com/sweatrecords

- http://www.twitter.com/sweatrecords

This has been P.S. Elliott (AKA: the reverend of irreverence Dr. Gonzo XXVII) reporting for the disassociated blog that is The Animate Tripe Chronicles.

P.S. No bunnies, rabbits, hares, or any other member bearing even the remotest semblance to the rodentia family were harmed during the making of this here interview. Well, maybe except for Mortimer Mouse, but he was dead long before he had a chance to make a household name for himself... that is, WAY before this blog piece was ever even conceived to be published! But at any rate, let's all bow our heads in unison, just so we can have a moment of silence for that aborted Disney concept!

Short on Sports (An Ill but Modest Proposal)

2010-06-23T11:51:00.007-04:00

Hello again my fellow prisoners, I just got inspired to post up this entry, and figured that I should get it out before it just sits here dormant and falls prey to being an unfinished draft; with plenty of revisions, and finalizations to follow and whatnot. By the way, just thought I'd point out that the word finalizations is certainly not a word, according to Google's spell check and all, but it's definitely a good candidate for a revision later on... well, maybe not so much, since I'm becoming quite the lazy writer these days! Anyways, so let's just say for the sake of cadence, I'll leave the word as it is, but the actual correct term is finalization (in the singular, not the plural). So I guess I'll get away with it.

Now, speaking of "getting away with it," I'd like to bring up the topic of the whole oil crisis in the Gulf; simply because I just can't let this go. Sure, I have a may have an obligation to provide my readers (all three point two of them) with some good humor articles/interviews/and the whole enchilada, but every once in a while I come up with these really good zingers, and well... time is of the essence nowadays, isn't it? Especially when you consider what's being done (which is basically, if not virtually next to nothing) to help resolve this ecological disaster we're currently in the midst of. Anyways, to start things off--- I'd like to ask what in the hell the big cheese/head honcho/grand poobah/whatever you want to call that dafty old tart that kind of looks like the after photo of Tony Blair pitching a Rogaine commercial; by the name of Tony Hayward (why are all these guys named Tony?) was thinking when he sat before the Senate and expressed his sincerest regrets over this whole oil crisis (which was most likely worthy of an Oscar nomination for worst adaptation... I'm sure they'll be a category for something like that someday) and then flew over to his side of the pond to participate in a yacht race?!?

Well, some people have even gone as far as saying that this is a PR disaster; which is possibly right up there with Ricky Martin dancing at George W. Bush's (who's a full fledged conservative, by the way...) inauguration, and then openly admitted to being gay (which is an awfully liberal minded thing to do in this day and age) several years later. Talk about a public relations backfire, folks! Well, maybe it's not as bad as say.. establishing a YouTube channel with public broadcast announcements to fill us (the little people) on the consistent level of effort/commitment/or whatever other pimply hyperbole that can pass off as something sympathetic to the whole ecological system! What? Isn't this enough?!? After all we are the same people that demand transparency in the facet of our everyday lives, right?

Inside, Outside, In...
Livin' La Vida Puto!

Now I'm pretty sure that most of you in the internet savvy world of the modern age (i.e. the here and now) are aware of the ratings system on YouTube, which consists of a five star ranking system (sort of like Star Search... except without the ghost of the late great Ed McMahon claiming that BP may have already lost 70 billion dollars trying to resolve the oil issue while still nothing has actually been resolved to fix it!) and ironically enough, there are some seriously sick minded individuals out there that are actually "generous" enough to give this channel one star! Well, imagine that! People actually favor needless dawdling and flat out moments of ineptitude when it comes to thwarting a natural catastrophe of monumentally epic proportions (that are even bigger than any George Lucian and/or Steven Spielbergian effort to date) such as this one! Well, obviously, these must be the same people that work for the company, correct? For I seriously doubt that any of the families of the workers (i.e. the victims that died in the Deepwater Horizon disaster) would even consider participating in this ranking system, simply out of sheer sympathy for the devil, or the soulless computer geek they got working for them, in charge of formatting the media clip and uploading the damn thing, whilst typing up a very poignant video description and the like. And to this dweeb I say: "Rot in hell you bastard prick!" Yes, that's right... because remember friends; BP stands for Bastard Pricks--- or better yet; Bubbling Petroleum; or maybe even Bumbling Petroleum, so just take your pick!

Anyways, sorry to give this enduring issue more than a buck fifty on two cents worth of time here; because what we really ought to be doing is taking all the CEO heads of these companies out there (just the ones that are in charge of monumentally fucking up each and every one of our likelihoods of being and all) and put them in front of a firing squad with a bunch of soldiers that suffer from a slight case of post traumatic stress disorder (you know, the ones that shouldn't be handling standard issued firearms) and a bad case of patriotic bigotry (AKA: a greatly instilled sense of worldly indifference) just so they can literally "jump the gun" at the "Ready, aim, fire!" call and miss practically every vital organ. There are three possibilities in this scenario.

Either a) the targets survive the shootings, and soil themselves, prompting them to change their evil ways (baby) thus making them human again... enough, to go back and actually do something to fulfill their promises; which is nothing but a fat chance here. And that of course, brings me to scenario b) which is the bullets actually enter random parts of their anatomy, and they will each carry one of these pieces in them, as a token reminder of the great work they've done to God's green earth, and thus will go on to immediately go back and change their evil ways (baby... sing it again, Santana!). Or scenario c) they all get shot, squirm around the floor for a while, and the commander-at-arms commands the firing squad to reload, take aim once again, and fire (with extreme prejudice) until they die. The secret here is that at this point, the government will have seized operations from these big power mongering and highly corrupt businesses and actually put someone in charge who knew what the fuck they were doing, and actually go on to resolve the problems we're currently faced with. But again, this is yet another fat chance, since every time the government puts someone in charge to handle things, it ultimately gets a whole lot worse.

But the clincher in this last scenario here is really in the details. You see, the secret here is that we must air this spectacle in the form of public broadcast television (minus any insistence of contributions; more on this later...) without any commercial interruptions on a twenty-four hour, seven day a week basis (for about a month, 'til people get sick of watching it) and then maybe even refer back to it later on in the year, preferably as the new year's eve party winds down, just to recap some of the finer highlights of the year, just so we can successfully manage to keep this perspective a little fresh in the eyes and ears of the short attention span that plagues the American landscape. And at this point, all of the other potentially corrupt heads of these power hungry juggernaut/wealth mongering companies might pause to take notice. If and if they don't, then their number will be up eventually. But in the meantime, let me point out to take a quick pause of my own here to illustrate what this piece is actually about, since I seem to have taken a wrong turn here along the way of this great American information superhighway and I've seemed to gotten lost on this tangent. Oh wait, here I am! Yes, this was the point I was trying to get at, before any of this other nonsense got in the way...!

Today's article came about as a result of the spectacle that played itself out in my lunchroom today, as I was scarfing down on two potentially oil drenched sandwiches of Tuna (the oil slicked chicken of the sea). And that is the FIFA world cup championship soccer match being broadcast on the television set that we have in our break room/lunch room. Now, don't get me wrong people, when I say this... I'm not a big fan of sports in general. As a matter of fact, I was the kid in school that everybody overlooked when it came time to participate (i.e. being picked) in any activity requiring heavy hand-eye coordination, or simply put dribbling, kicking, and/or even scoring a point to beat the opposing team for that matter! So I guess I could venture an opinion, stating that I have little to no use for the great wide world of sports in general. But then again, that's a half truth, since I really seem to like bowling, pool, and air hockey. All of which can be good candidates for Olympic events sometime in the near future, when idiocracy reigns (beef) supreme!

Anyways, the spectacle in question, was the sight of my co-workers swarming towards the cathode ray tube, like dry wall termites (which I personally despise with a passion) flying towards a bug zapper; just to get a glimpse of the play-by-play coverage and what team scored what goal and whatnot. Again, don't get me wrong here, soccer in my opinion is the only true sport there is; primarily because there's no padding, or helmets of any kind to prevent any permanent injury whatsoever. And when they say worldwide, they mean it! It's not like baseball, where we're treated to the misnomer of a title such as World Series, only to watch a team like Florida pitted against Cleveland, for example (which may be two separate worlds in and of themselves, in the figurative sense of the word, but not literally!). And furthermore, soccer is the only sport that crosses over in more than one sense of the word; meaning of course that in every other part of the world; it is known as fútbol (which makes sense because it's foot plus ball... football, in other words, plain and simple). Yet America, in its infinite wisdom and sheer indifferent brilliance chooses to conjure up a sport of its own; thanks to George Clooney (i.e. Leatherheads--- a funny as hell movie that I can't get tired of watching, I might add by the way, so rent it or own it whenever you can, folks!) and pretty much ruined it for any American that actually decides to take up soccer as a predominantly male sport. And if that sounds foolishly biased, well... consider this. All of the soccer teams that I've actually seen (and heckled at during a game) are female soccer teams. What? Doesn't the likelihood of permanent injury to a man's gonads seem downright too scary to endeavor a front row seating at? Hell, aren't we the same sycophants that partake in a viewing of Nascar racing on TV just to see if there are any auto accidents? Oh wait, I forgot, that was only the ghost of the late great George Carlin (which makes this yet another subconscious plagiarism on my part... sorry George, but I am keeping your spirit alive, good sir!).

Okay, so I guess the sight of watching someone in pain, cringing and wrenching at the fact that someone kicked them in the nuts is not at all that fun and altogether sporty. But hey... it makes for a great YouTube sensation does it not? Anyways, after witnessing my flock of sheep congregate towards the cathode ray tube-like goat herder in the mess hall, it suddenly occurred to me the real reason why we are in all in the dangerous state we're in right now. It's not because of BP's robber baron tendency to get each and every last drop of oil that seeps out of the ocean floor (although it could very well be); it's not because our commander-in-chief has his hands tied due to an almost certain lobbyist buyout (although that could be as well); but it's really because it's not at all that entertaining to watch the ecosystem die off in the muck of crude toxic sludge. While it may be fun for some people (specifically the BP oil clan), it's really hard to see the sight of birds drenched in reddish brown oil and not think to yourself: "Goddamn me and my natural way of life, that's simply destroying each and every last living organism around me!" I saw this Yahoo story which proclaimed a new phrase that biologists out there have coined (i.e. "charismatic megafauna") to relate to the focus that environmental groups have out there, which is "the desperate images that (these) groups try to tug at our hearts and our wallets with." So there you go... to the sick and wealthy ruthless capitalist out there, the new logo for any petroleum company will now be the sight of one of these furry winged critters just covered in red and brown petro. And by the way, don't get confused by the picture below.

And what's the new fall lineup
for sweeps week again?

Sure, this birdly fine feathered individual may be covered in a brown hue, but that's just his complexion folks. It's just Kenneth "the Page" Parcel, playing the part of Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal. Unfortunately, no one out there in the right mind is going to scrub off this guy's pigments until they go back to their natural white and original slithery python skin tone; and yet we, as an awfully proud nation, are still very ethnically biased towards middle easterners because of their overall complexion and rather round and wide crazy lookin' eyes of theirs... go figure! Stereotypical, you say? Maybe, but when you consider that good ole' Bobby was elected two years by a highly disenfranchised group of people (specifically post Katrina) as the poster boy slumdog millionaire Republican candidate, while there is a war going on against terrorism, where no Joe average American can discern the difference between an Indian and an American Idol finalist with a detonator strapped to his chest (and there's an actual comedy movie out there based on this, going by the name of American Dreamz... look it up!) the results are rather comedic, if not altogether downright farce. It's almost as funny as Willem Dafoe playing a Dick Cheney-like character (with a bald head and everything; the kind of makeup that's worthy of an Oscar nomination, mind you) in that aforementioned movie.

So after witnessing this incredibly sad looking sight laid out before me, I became almost enraged at the fact that there are people out there that actually care more about the final score of the world cup finals than the fucking oil spill in the Gulf! So instead of basically ranting and raving about the issue at hand, and getting virtually nothing about it done, I propose to you all a simple solution, which may in fact be a comedic farce in and of itself too, depending on which way you look at it! What we need to do is simply create a sporting event based on cleaning up the oil spill. Of course, this idea is really a draft at this point, and may inevitably lead to much better things, you know... like a gateway drug. Which reminds me, have any of you heard about the latest drug out there on the world wide web? Apparently some crazy ass'ed disciple of the long forgotten hippie generation flower power movement has developed a way of getting internet surfers such as you and me buzzed off of some digital visual optics. And the clincher is that experts out there are not exactly aware of just how dangerous these things are as of yet; so we'll leave that to the incompetent hands of the food and drug administration to make the call. After all, not every impoverished individual out there has access to a computer, so we'll leave these kind of things in the hands of lower middle class'ed high tech fools whom all think they're pretty clever writing an online blog and whatnot. And in case you're wondering, that's an inside joke that hits very close to home, folks! Whoever said I wasn't self-defacing enough?!? To them I say Ha! (And double Ha!)

But getting back to our sporting event, already in progress, we can easily install a fleet of submarines with some Olympic swimmers that will each perform a synchronized ballet piece (as an event opener...which is sort of like the opposite of running with an Olympic torch) on the crudest red-brown portion of the oil drenched ocean... and this piece, by the way, will be aptly entitled simply: "The Dying Swan" after the working title of "The Rusty Pelican" has been ruled out due to a copyright infringement law suit put forth by a consortium of elite intellectual property right lawyers (not like the kind I deal with at my present job, mind you).

And then, the real entertainment shall begin. Here's where the crowd will get to see a team of sea faring vessels gather around in a full circle around the ruptured main (well, actually it's a crack on the ocean floor at this point, but bear with me here...) where the oil is seeping out of. The vessels will then release an army of remote control robots that will easily be seen on a newly installed jumbo tron just a little off of the coast of Florida (just so the state can reel more money in off of tourism and what have you!) and these robots will then compete in a battle of life or death (in as far as Isaac Asimov's Laws of Robotics can actually determine whether a robot is actually alive or not, that is) by trying to plug up the hole with some viable substance (which will most likely have to be developed by some corporate sponsor, like say for instance... Elmer's Instant Krazy Glue, or 3M Duct Tape; all for the sake of bragging rights) and to the victor will come the spoils of war; and not just the spoils of all the plant and animal life.

But wait gang, there's more. In order to make this fundamentally important enough to drive our less than fifteen minutes worth of undivided attention towards, we must seek out a cleverly new and fun filled way to make this not just a sporting event, but a family sporting event! And the answer is: legalized gambling. Yes, we can easily turn this event a statewide lottery. The only drawback of course being that it will only happen once in a lifetime, that is... until it gets resolved. So one of two possibilities can work out here. Either a) every attempt we make to plug the hole (over the course of the televised Olympic event of extreme deep sea diving/robotic recovery operations is concerned, that is...) fails and this new crude oil investment of a sporting network extends out over the course of the next month (or maybe even year) or so, with special guests stars of the MTV runaway reality show Jersey Shore guest starring and sharing their worthless insight and media buzz kill commentary.

Situation: Yo Snook-kay! Whaddya think of dis natural oil shit?

Snookie: Gee, I don't know Sit, maybe I should Tweet McCain to get his feedback on it!"

And then the situation knocks Snookie on her ass as the world watches to see the result of the operation. But nothing works out, because BP is secretly rigging the robots to randomly go kaput at a certain thousand leagues or so under the sea; which inevitably drives up this special Olympic broadcast's ratings even more; namely because the legalized gambling program that was implemented at the start of the event has now branched out into a brackets game where the robots involved are constantly changing due to their randomly unexpected deaths; which kind of makes you wonder why anybody in their right mind would call this a brackets game in the first place? Except for the geniuses at NBS (which stands for the National Bull Shit network... What? You never saw the movie Three Kings?) which needed a completely new sweeps week to successfully replace their usual March Madness lineup. But wait, there's more! After a criminal probing investigation has actually taken place into looking at just how rigged this whole new national lottery system is designed. But then again, this probe will take several months, because after all is said and done... all the lobbyists behind it will literally be getting away with murder by flying off to some all expenses paid for luxury resort and spa, with a "massage artist" by the name of Nando Ballrizian, whom can also be bought and paid for on RentBoy.com, by any awfully perverted sexual crusader and/or career politician of your choice.

But in the meantime, however, some investigatory genius working for a paper of some sort (that never gets any mention in the mainstream media, since it's not on the friends in low places list of the right-wing conservative party and/or tea bagger party*) makes a highly important find between the connection of the illegal practices of the Wall Street banking aficionados that had nothing else better to do than to bank all of our hard earned nest eggs away on a stock that was too big to fail and publishes it in an article somewhere. Further investigations are launched, only to determine that these awfully big expenditures are related to the Gulf coast Olympic committee, thus rendering the whole legalized betting practice (AKA: the environmentally unfriendly catastrophe of 2010/national lottery virtually obsolete). Which means that the poor folks, like you and me (well, actually just me, because I'm sick enough to imagine this delusional reality) get screwed out of some more money and decide to stir up an uprising against BP, the Olympics, the mainstream media, Snookie and the Situation, and Regis Philbin. I'm not exactly sure why Regis (or more importantly where he fits into the picture here) but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with some daytime coverage of this event. Maybe it was that episode where he interviewed the fallen star that is Michael Phelps for his involvement with the whole synchronized swimming presentation portion of this 2010 Deepwater Horizon Robotic Olympic farce of mine!

And to you Michael, I say:
"BONGS AWAY!!!"

However, the whole uprising is quickly thwarted (or inevitably canceled) by the next latest craze that was ingeniously designed by some astrophysicist that was fired from NASA, who made a killing with this revolutionary new supplement dieting program, which is dubbed the FUCK YOUR WAY TO FITNESS DIET. This marketing genius goes on to be a lifestyle guru with his own infomercial that first appears late at night, in between all the paid sponsors commercials of the DeepWater Horizon Robotic Olympic event of 2010, and eventually lives on to become it's own twenty four hour, seven day a week cable TV channel, called the FUX network, after a consortium of copyright lawyers decided that they just can't win this legal battle, mainly because Rupert Everett has died of a massive coronary brought on by an excessive amount of cheaply imported imitation knock off designer Viagra, flown in from China, and so nobody really cares about the Fox news channel anymore. And in a related story; the last panda bear in captivity at an outdoor wildlife habitat in Great China has died. Rumors are still circulating all over the internet, claiming that the initial police report of this incident was covered up by the very same pharmaceutical company that makes this cheap designer Viagra brand (commonly referred to as Viagara). China has secured a special plot in an undisclosed cemetery to thwart off any potential vandals, and it has been reported that the grave had to be dug another foot deep than the usual six, simply to accommodate for the panda's stiff rigor mortis erection. And on that note, all that I have left to say is along the lines of John Goodman's character of Walter Sobchak (of The Big Lebowski fame) and simply say: "Ah, fuck it dude! Let's go bowling..."

But before we do, I'd just like to bring up yet another little lovely tidbit, which I hinted to a little bit earlier (just use the find feature to find the more on that later... bit, and you'll see what I'm talking about) which is in short contributions. Has anybody received any invitations to any of these "let's clean up the shore" events lately, without once having the red flag of are you fucking kiddin' me obviousness go up almost immediately?!? Whatever happened to the age old axiom of: "You made your bed, now lie in it!"? If anybody should be cleaning up the "spill" (which is the latest euphemism for an all out goddamn mess) it ought to be these snake oil salesmen themselves. So I demand that Tony Hayward himself come on down and fuck around with a deep sea water pressure suit for about an hour and a half, just to see if he can cram his wiry reptilian tare of a body and plug up that fucking hole at the bottom of the ocean floor, all by and on his lonesome! Only in this country can we the people manage to get railroaded and demand that the train run us over again, repeatedly! And why do you ask? Well... I for one can't figure it out anymore. I mean, if it isn't this soulless oil czar of a business executive with a smug look on his face offering what appears to be a heartfelt tongue-in-cheek apology to a congressional oversight committee and getting nothing shot of a light slap on the wrist, it's a disgraced athlete apologizing for his sexual indiscretions and/or use of performance enhancing drugs. And when it's not that it's these greedy bastards in Wall Street rolling the dice and betting against the odds with our combined harvest of nest eggs placed on their gambling tables. And if it's not that, then it's the pharmaceutical companies allowing controlled substances to poison the well of the people, while the FDA just looks the other way. I mean how long or to what extent does evil have to manifest itself for us to really say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! WE HAVE HAD IT WITH THIS MOTHERFUCKING HOLE SPEWING OIL FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE MOTHERFUCKING OCEAN! And thank you Samuel L. Jackson for that remarkably fine performance worthy of approximately one perfectly upwardly mobile airborne (AKA: flying) fuck given at the expense of yours truly over here!

Until next time, this has been P.S. Elliott (AKA: the reverend of irreverence, his holiness and cardinal bishop (the duke) Dr. Gonzo XXVII of the arch piouses) reporting for the disassociated blog that is The Animate Tripe Chronicles. Hallelujah and amen to that, motherfuckers!

P.S. In the meantime, it's now day 64 of the Deepwater Horizon disaster in the Gulf and generalissimo Bobby Jindal is still brown.

P.P.S. This blog piece is dedicated in memory of George Carlin (one of my all time heroes for the right to freedom of speech) whom I may have subconsciously plagiarized (somewhat in this here particular blog piece) a comedic routine from, entitled The All-Suicide TV Channel. Rest in piece (sic**) sir!

* By the way, the correct nomenclature here is tea bag party, but let me just make it perfectly clear that I'm an equal opportunity offender. So if the right is going to get away with calling the Democratic party Democrats (to imply that we are disgusting as rats) then this offense will be responded with in kind... thus, tea baggers is what they should be referred to as from now on, just to maintain the political balance of nonsense!

** This is a nod to George's Christmas card which depicted his cat and dog (Moe and Vern) inter-species and openly gay relationship caught on camera. Look it up!

Today's WTF Moment...

2010-06-18T13:18:00.011-04:00

My fellow prisoners, today whilst scouring the internet as a means of passing the time at my dire and highly disappointing dead end job designed to help me get out of my usury commitment (to the tune of a year's worth of debt I have left to pay off and all that jazz...) I spotted this interesting little news byte. Well, actually two interesting little bits of news, which I'm going to link up here because I find myself in a current state of unease with a sense of how do you say? Fear for my life?!? Well, more like fear of the unknown, because this scenario I'm about to unfold on the likes of you could potentially happen, which is why I just thought I'd scare all you masses out there into a possible future.

This scare starts off with a new production line of actual lightsabers. As soon as I spotted this on Facebook, courtesy of a goblin slaying World of Warcraft addict friend of mine, I just said to myself... well okay, it could happen. And why not? Technology has already reached the point where science fiction is now science fact, and so anything and everything in those sci-fi movies is now becoming more and more realistic because of the accepted norm; that is the automatic technological integration into society; which has seemed to happen virtually (and seemingly) overnight during the last decade or so. But then I read that these cats from Hong Kong (which really comes as no surprise to me as them being the chief innovators behind this product; because let's face it gang... they're ahead of the world on everything!) are actually marketing these things at a near two hundred bucks a pop, I literally said to myself: "Oh shit! That rules out ever going to a movie theatre ever again!" And by that I mean that it takes little to no imagination for a moron with a laser pointer to seriously fuck up the enjoyment of all the other movie goers via a highly impromptu red spotlight laser highlighting the bulbous features of just about any fine young and hot Hollywood starlet out there up on the big screen.

Imagine that! One minute I'm under the impression that I'm going to have a great time, just coming on in, moseying up into my theater seat, expecting to watch Angelina Jolie kick some ass in the film Wanted, and the next thing I know, I'm getting treated to some live action anatomically correct PowerPoint presentation, as interpreted by some jack off in an isle a couple of rows behind me who keeps repeating the phrase: "That's some real shit, yo!" more than three thousand times throughout the course of the whole enchilada of the movie! And I didn't even get the free MP3 player I was promised for attending this stupid lecture on the untapped potential that is the gold making power of the real estate market! Oh wait... sorry, I lost my train of thought there, folks. It looks like the pensive express just got derailed there for a minute. Sorry for this senior moment here, people; for it's just another one of them Friday morning's that include a great deal of lack of sleep on my part, so please bear with me here... it'll all be over soon!

Anyways, as I was saying... could you imagine a laser in the hands of these juvenile sub-delinquents? And by employing the use of the prefix sub, I'd care to emphasize the fact that even delinquents have some sort of clearly thought out plan to fuck with the rest of humanity; whereas sub-delinquents only exist to get in the way of things because they were all born in the middle of the afternoon in the middle of the week (i.e. Wednesday's children). So they serve no purpose other than getting in the way of the rest of humanity in general. You may have witnessed these strange variety of creatures first hand, whilst you're driving about in Miami, under the seriously hot weather that is the summer (or worse yet... Indian summer) without any air conditioning in your car, while ironically enough you're driving in the fast lane and there's a heavy pile up directly in front of you because some idiot wants to make a left turn where he's not supposed to. This idiot, as you may have guessed, is a Wednesday child. Jot this down, for it may be important later on... it may even spark off a whole new cultural phenomenon. After all, we did make note of Indigo children, Generation X'ers, and/or Generation Y'ers for that matter, already; did we not? So here's the next latest and greatest thing next to sliced bread, courtesy of our new invention the lightsaber; or Spyder III Pro Artic, if you want to get technical! This little baby sports a full 1W powered beam that's the most powerful laser ever known to man.

This thing can cause impaired blindness and/or skin cancer if sadomasochistically applied to a rather unsuspecting victim. But hey... fear not friends, for the company that makes this monstrosity Wicked Lasers (which I'm not even going to bother to link up here, because I don't want to be responsible for any potential deaths out there that are likely to ensue; so Google it motherfuckers!) is not without some sense of conscious for marketing this "toy" worldwide (to approximately 70 countries, including Canada, I might add). If you were to buy this contraption, the marketing geniuses behind this product will provide you with a mere semblance of what they consider to be a "safety first" promise (just so they can avoid any and all potential liabilities of course) and that is that the package will come complete with a pair of safety glasses. Great! Just what I need to feel a sense of security. While you're at it, why not get the local IMAX to give me a pair of those glasses on the house? Maybe they can find a way to develop a hybrid of 3D glasses that can also reflect laser beams, and whenever we go out to watch a film the place can turn into a pretty cool looking laser show, with the beams bouncing off everyone in the audience! And best of all--- it's a real laser, you know?!? All I want is to simply avoid any permanent damage from enjoying myself on a night out, is that too much to ask for?

At times like these, I wonder what the fuck is George Lucas up to, with his whole consortium of copyright lawyers? I'm pretty sure he must have patented this concept somewhere, or sometime during the course of all his Jedi sagas and whatnot. Why isn't he getting on the ball and threatening to sue these cats if they market these things out to the dumb-as-nails youth of America with the attention span of a fly (that'll most likely get attracted to a big blue light and get the shit zapped out of them) just to see if he can implement some sort of sanction on these dangerous devices? I mean, have you even seen the product picture?

And may the (law en-)force(ment) be with you!

It's a blatant rip off of a real light saber, for Pete's sake! And while you're at it, Mr. Lucas... here's another hint. Wicked Lasers... doesn't that bear a strange coincidence to the name of one of your chief furry little Ewoks? (i.e. Wicket!?!) I'm sure there's a potential copyright infringement in there somewhere as well. Maybe I'm just overreacting here, and there's just a lot of buzz out all over the net about this new device. Maybe it's just a marketing scheme to get folks to purchase this product (for the low, low retail price of just $197.97 USD; free shipping included). I mean; just look at what they did with the iPad for crying out loud...it's just an iPhone on steroids, that's all. Oh well, this product is sure to be a hit here because we as a nation love dangerous goods; especially if they can be used as weapons. And best of all these suckers are portable! So it's sporty too. Maybe just maybe, we can fashion some kind of holster for them, and that'll most likely be the last driving force behind our failing economy; to design plastic holders (or maybe even genuine leather ones, if we can find enough animals left to make a possible endangered extinction out of) and market them at about $19.95 a pop; and that's retail folks. Maybe they won't be even be sold in stores, who knows?

Now, onto the next bit of news that was also posted up on the same website that I read this from (and inadvertently plagiarized here, but with good intentions, of course... all for the sake of editorial commentary on my behalf and whatnot) and that is the recent story about a Los Angeles cop that beat the BeJesus out of a seventeen year old girl. Many words come to mind when I first heard and saw a video of this story. The first one of them being: "tool!" But then I thought, no... that's offensive to the do-it-yourself hands on repair community as a whole. There just has to be a word out there that's revolting enough that can be used to describe the potential loss of control that these swines of authority experience from time-to-time, and oddly enough deliberately right in front of an amateur video aficionado or two! Maybe I can go with the usual "pig," but that's not enough, because even pigs have manners, and act with some tangible level of common sense. The only reason we see poor innocent piggies going to the market is because they were led, and not accidentally wandered, into a slaughterhouse!

So let's just say for the sake of argument here, that I'll make a clear distinction between officers that do their job correctly (for the sake of not unexpectedly getting beat up by them in public once they finish reading this blog... that is, if they can read, or if they have nothing else better to do, that is!) and the brazen motherfuckers such as this one (refer to the horrendous video below) whose only punishment for this excessive use of force is a simple departmental transfer to another outfit/law enforcement unit/what have you that's designed to ensure that they learn proper interrogation procedures. After all, nobody will want to do anything sensible, like say... permanently suspend them from the force without any severance pay whatsoever. Oh well, one never really gets to see a career law enforcement bacon patrol squad opt to apply for a job somewhere else after they get terminated, do you?

Reason for leaving: Beating the shit out of innocent citizens with little or no personal effects on them that could have been considered some serious form of weaponry (i.e. a purse, cell phone, and a pair of sandals... flip flops to be exact!).

And what happens to the poor girl(s) that get beaten as a result of this supercop with a hard on to meet his daily quota for busting criminals on a twenty-four hour/seven days-a-week basis (even if the crime is just a simple jaywalking offense?!? Hello...?!? Earth to swine, come in please! Over!)? Well, they'll probably get ten to life in the maximum security wing with no conjugal visits, because that's just cracked system of justice is in a nutshell! Which leads me to that rather disturbing scenario that I spoke of earlier. Let's suppose that nothing is done about these lasers that can cause skin cancer and potential retina scarring, and that sometime in the near future these things will be common place amongst the gangs in suburban ghetto districts throughout America. The first thing the crime units are going to be doing to up the anti (so to say) will be to develop some special weapons of their own. Maybe even tweaked up versions of the Spyder III. Hell... maybe, just maybe they may even develop a fully functioning completely automatic laser gun. What then? Do you think that swines like these are going to exercise any level of self-control once they know they have a weapon like that at their disposal. They might even strap it between their legs, just to prove that they can beat the shit out of testicular cancer. Maybe Lance Armstrong will be their celebrity spokesperson, who knows? They may even get one of those plastic wristbands, that were probably made of some low grade synthetic in a sweat shop somewhere in Malaysia, that will purportedly cause cancer after a long period of exposure via mere contact with these harmful low cost production budget materials. Pretty sad reality, huh? Well maybe not... what is a sad reality, however, is that something like this can happen if somebody doesn't step up to the plate and say: "Hey! There's a fine line between science fiction and science fact, and you fuckers are treading on very potentially dangerous ground right here, with that remarkably slick yet incredibly sycophantic contraption of yours!"

Of course, nobody exercises any level of common sense anymore. Not the authoritative swine that bashes the shit out of hapless citizens that are helpless to do anything for themselves in the eyes of the law, nor the corporate conglomerates that are slowly tearing down the fabric of everyday society with their latest and greatest inventions, all appearing in the form of retail gizmos; to paraphrase the late great George Carlin here (hey... at least I give credit where the credit is due when I'm subconsciously plagiarizing someone, so cut me some slack at least!) or maybe even the people that sit by and do nothing, but watch as the whole world goes up in flames on account of some idiot who probably left a hose stuck to a propane tank and decided that it was time to imitate an Indianapolis 500 lead car. One thing is for sure, there's a special rung in hell somewhere reserved for individuals like these that take no action; replete with its own concession stand, where the only thing on the menu is a glop of sugar coated dung imported from Africa, especially made courtesy of a baby elephant that goes by the name of Pogo.

You see, the truth is... that the end of the world is not going to come in the form of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse, nor is it going to resolve itself through the appearance of arch angels reigning down from the heavens exacting their justice upon the highly sinful or wickedly unjust all alike; there isn't going to be a rapture here, folks; and there will definitely be no devilish demon going by the name of Satan, or Beelzebub, or any other pimply name (that's existed since the dawn of mankind's foolish sense of civilization) that's going to come out of some kind of inter dimensional rip out of the center of the earth or some junk, no... it's going to be in the form of idiots with an IQ equivalent to the working shape and size of approximately one peanut that will be left with the responsibility of doing something important for the continued existence of mankind; only to fuck it up severely at the very last second! Like for example, say our current oil spill in the Gulf. Spill, you say? It's more like a nonstop pressure leak goddamn it! Yes, indeed... the meek have already inherited the earth, and it's all going to get severely fucked up pretty soon. So all I'm planning on doing now is to simply sit back, and watch this movie play itself out, whilst treating myself to the best sugar coated goblet of fecal matter (not from concentrate) that money can by. Amen Pogo, you mother of a baby elephant, you!

Until then, this has been P.S. Elliott (AKA: the reverend of irreverence, his holiness, the archbishop of hipdom Dr. Gonzo XXVII) reporting for the disassociated blog that is The Animate Tripe Chronicles. Amen motherfuckers!

Paul Blart: Mall Cop vs. Observe and Report

2010-05-19T14:28:00.012-04:00

Hey gang, I just thought I'd change things up a bit and write a piece on two ridiculous movies that I like watching over and over again 'til I've practically memorized every line in them to the point where I'm in immediate need of professional help. So instead of forking over a year's work of wages to get hooked on some over-the-counter and potentially highly dependent laboratory pharmaceutical, I thought it would be best to do another versus style blog piece on the similarities, or pros and cons (if you will) between the sensation you get from watching Paul Blart Mall Cop versus the reaction you get out of watching Observe and Report. In a nutshell, it's kind of like whiskey and soda---not mixed together, of course, but rather taken in short visual installments. I don't recommend actually paying attention to either of these movies, because well... there's nothing to learn out of them, other than how to make a fundamentally high grossing income from shooting a movie in the form of a tried and tested dick and far joke formula that never ceases to amaze the likes of the general public. It's like celluloid opium for the masses, I tells yah! And here's my personal toke, no--- take on these two movies.

If you like watching a movie that's silly, with an almost Disney like vibe, it's wise to choose Paul Blart, however... if that's a little too tame for you, I'd stick with Observe and Report, which has more of an adult college humor vibe to it all. But here's the clincher folks. These two films are basically the same, and I'm not talking about the fact that they both center around two distinct hapless and almost half witted/dimwitted security guards, but there's a lot more to it than that. So I've taken the liberty of compiling a list of strange similarities that I've observed myself... and am reporting for that matter! Sorry for the cheesy pun, but let's get to it.

Beginning with the most obvious one, take a gander at the movie posters below. Notice how they both include a close up of the protagonist (or would be, and sometimes unlikely hero) of the picture. Maybe there's not much to go on there, but I just thought it was highly coincidental that these particular movie posters are relatively the same; in that both of the principal roles revolve around security guards that are engaged in the same exact job (i.e. guarding a shopping mall). The only difference of course is that Ronnie is head of security, while Paul is just a regular underling. And the odd part is that Ronnie's uniform matches the rest of the security guards that work for him. Usually the head of security wears a white uniform, like Paul does! Go figure... can anyone please get a technical consultant more involved on these sets?!?

Observe and Report

Paul Blart: Mall Cop

And then there's another little tidbit which seems to have lost its footing in reality. And that is security guards carrying guns in Observe and Report. Normally one would need a G license to handle those sort of things, which would imply taking some sort of psychological evaluation or general competency test. And since Ronnie is bipolar (a near borderline delusional here, folks) it only baffles the mind as to how this yokel got his hands on that type of license in the first place! The fact that got fired and managed to make his way to the gun locker (which is in and of itself yet another typical example of pure Hollywood bullshit) is beyond absurd, because normally one would have to retire any and all standard issued weapons that their security outfit provides them with (if any) upon getting fired. And even still, it's not up to the security department to be issuing those types of things in the first place, because it can very well imply a liability. I mean, let's face it, we've already got a psycho handling a gun on our hands over here, so what else do you need?!? And more importantly... they're not cops!!! They're freakin' security guards! This I find very comical because it's quite a farce in and of itself. Then again... the twins (i.e. two of Ronnie's subordinates, and not his ding-a-ling) did say that it would be cool "if" they could be outfitted with these types of things. And a little later in the film, we get to be treated to the site of Ronnie with a taser; to which I ask... what kind of security outfit is this anyways? And on that note... both principal characters seem to have something wrong going for them, in as far as their chemical makeup is concerned. As mentioned before, Ronnie is bi-polar and takes medication for his symptoms (which he shares with his infatuation... kind of makes you wonder how he doesn't lose his job doing this, huh?) while Paul Blart suffers from hypoglycemia (i.e. lack of sugar intake) and resorts to eating sources of sugar coated nourishment for his ailment (such as a lollipop that's been stuck to the floor and covered with what appears to be cigarette stubs) just so he can get up and get back in the swing of things.

Next we have the love interests for each picture. Upon seeing Paul Blart for the first time, I could have sworn that the actress who played the role of Amy (Blart's love interest/infatuation/what have you) was actually Anna Faris, but then I realized it wasn't, after doing a second take and wondering if it was or if it wasn't. Anyways, I was evidently mistaken, since the role was actually played by actress Jayma Mays. So aside from there being a love interest (i.e. someone who would actually care for these two big palookas) in each film, both of them look almost identical. Maybe they were cloned in some kind of Hollywood test tube facility. Who knows?

Of course, Anna is not really Ronnie Barnhardt's (that's the Seth Rogen's character in Observe and Report, by the way) primary love interest, because this slut (that is her character Brandi and not the actress herself! Duh!) will bang just about anybody. And on that note, Paul Blart and Ronnie Barnhardt both have similar last names, which both end in the same pronounceable syllable (i.e. art). And if you take away their last names, you end up with Paul and Ron, which is coincidentally also the name of two popular local disc jockeys (that is, Paul & Young Ron). It's a Hollywood cloning conspiracy I tells yah!

Well, actually Anna is the first love interest, but the film also featured a great performance by Collette Wolfe (just watch the scene where she breaks down in tears which was absolutely the most convincing tear jerker of a performance that this fool here has ever had the pleasure of witnessing!). Her role is the typical "Oh, I didn't see you there" overlooked love interest/surrogate mother of a lover, and she plays the part very well. It's a shame this film didn't pick up any sort of academy nomination or award for that matter! I definitely would've cast my vote for her. And why is she crying? Because Paton Oswalt (i.e. Spence Olchin in King of Queens, which was practically Kevin James' launching pad for his acting career) torments her at her place of work due to the cast on her leg, which is brought on by some sort of chemical deficiency. Where do they come up with these things anyways?

Then of course, there's the differences (yet still notable similarities to a degree of patheticness) between each of these security guard's modes of transport. On the one hand, you have Paul Blart riding about all over the place in his segway, while Ronnie drives around in a golf cart, which could probably pass for a segway one of these days, but for the time being it's just an electric golf cart; plain and simple. The closest thing resembling this thing is a two-seater segway, however the one in the film has four wheels, which makes it a golf cart. So basically it's all just a matter of being close... but still no cigar! Both of these modes of transport have their share of almost equal screen time in the two films, but the segway is featured a little more prominently (specifically in Blart's online dating video sample!). Coincidentally, each of the films feature a sequence where the main protagonists are taking their love interest out for a spin with them, of course Jayma's character Amy is a little less reluctant to go on a ride than Anna's character Brandi is.

Then of course, you have a couple of other similarities which may or may not be hard to spot, depending on how read up you are on your IMDB movie trivia. Both films feature a pair of brothers sharing some acting duties. In the case of Observe And Report, it's more obvious since you can easily see a pair of identical twins (no it's not a digital camera trick) playing the part of Ronnie's security team, while in Paul Blart, you see Kevin James' real life brother Gary Valentine (who played the part of his cousin in King of Queens) doing a cameo of a highly deluded Karaoke singer with a weird looking set of receding hippie hair on him. Bang up job on the makeup department there! I didn't even know it was him the first time I saw this film!

Then there's the (what I can only refer to as Hollywood's idea of affirmative action) part of the film that decides that it's necessary to include at least two actors of Indian decent for the film, just so the American audience can use them as an excuse to make fun of, for some hitherto unbeknownst and highly boneheaded line of reasoning. In Observe and Report we get to see Aziz Ansari get attacked by Seth Rogen's character, for no apparent reason, other than the fact that the two hate each other due to what can only be a stereotypical racial profiling excuse on Ronnie's part. But I must say that the line "Fuck you Ronnie, nice hat, you stupid motherfucker!" during the undercover sequence was without a doubt one of the funniest lines from that movie. That and Aziz's character getting punched in the face for no apparent reason whatsoever other than he was simply in the way; in the wrong place, at the right time, was also just satirically brilliant on that blatant scripting of blatant dick and fart jokes level. Then you had the other actor Eddie Rouse (which sort of looked like a reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.) getting tazered, which was a sad display of what idiots in authority can do to the innocent, but then again... it's the poignancy of this particular film which I liked the most. It's blatant honesty and lack of consideration for the actual safety of fellow human beings is what makes Observe and Report the better laugh riot; in short... it's a a hell of a lot less of a mile's worth of bullshit, and a hell of a lot more casually dramatic realism. I think if I had to buy into the concept of choosing between would be terrorists/heist robbers that ride skateboards and bicycles and a streaker terrorizing random women in a public mall and an inside criminal (who turned out to be one of the security team's own lieutenants) I'd probably go with the latter because it's seemingly more realistic.

Paul Blart of course, featured Adhir Kalyan (of Aliens in America fame) as the stalkerish boyfriend of the daughter of one of Blart's drinking buddies, played by Erick Alvari (of the two or three? minutes to nuke a perfect burrito Encino Man fame). I'm still trying to figure out how they become all buddy-buddy so quickly (and over the phone, no less), especially if you consider the premise of their first encounter over the phone; which was basically the typical "What the fuck are you doing with my girl's phone?" sort of plot element. I guess it must have been one of those deleted scenes which ended up on the cutting room floor and lost in a vault somewhere.

Another coincidence that I've noticed between these two films is that each of the film's protagonists have to reckon with their share of unruly superiors, or at least people in a position that are of a higher authority than they are. For example, in Observe and Report, you have Ray Liotta playing Detective Harrison who's minute long explosive tirade on Ronnie; with the old school cop phrase: "...you're a fuckin' faggot!" was just priceless! And in Paul Blart, you have a more of co-worker being an asshole when you (that is, the hapless protagonist of this film) needed it the least, as performed by Allen Covert. Aside from that coincidence, both films also feature relationships between the lead roles and their mother figures. In Paul Blart, you have Shirley Knight playing it straight with her role as momma Blart, while in Observe and Report, the audience gets treated to a highly dysfunctional (and usually passed out on the living room floor) booze hound that is Ronnie's mother, as portrayed by Celia Weston. I tend to prefer the latter's performance because as fucked up as it is, one can't help but to laugh out loud at the general deterioration of this character on the screen. Don't get me wrong, I like Paul Blart too, but it was just too tame as compared to Observe and Report.

The other bitchin' part about Observe and Report that sold me more than Paul Blart was its soundtrack. It was great to watch up to the part where Ronnie and Brandi hook up for the first time, just to get treated to the song "Brain" by the band The Action. And who can forget the take a walk on the dark side sequence that Ronnie's lieutenant (2nd in command)/temporary partner-in-crime Dennis (as portrayed by Michael Peña who wears a haircut that eerily resembles a Welcome Back Kotter star Gabe Kaplan...with a tan, that is!) leads him into? Just listening to The Yardbirds in a movie, performing "Over, Under, Sideways, Down" is downright Kool and the Gang in my book. And who can forget the director's nod to Flash Gordon's "The Hero" theme (as performed by Queen) during the hilariously funny confrontation between Ronnie and the local law enforcement? I mean, the guy practically took out the whole army of pigs all by himself... and with a flashlight, no doubt!

I guess what really makes a good film work in the end is its plot; and in order to have a good plot, you need clever writers, and more importantly the right actors to portray the film's roles. Paul Blart seems to be one of those movies that you can laugh out aloud, but only in short temporary bursts, because it tends to be more silly; an almost G rated comedy, to say the least. I mean, come on! A Yellow Kitty band aid?!? That's just cutesy humor, whereas in Observe and Report you're treated to a full frontal male nudity shot (and in slow motion out of all things!) that just begs the question--- What in the fuck were the producers smoking when they agreed to film this and make it available for theatrical release?!? It just boggles the mind, really... but it's hysterical. And the fact that the streaker's mad dash across the mall is punctuated by a highly unexpected gun shot to the chest area (oh I'm sorry... I forgot to say SPOILER ALERT!) is completely unexpected. And that, my friends, is what makes a good film worthwhile in my book.

Where Paul Blart falls short is it's face of a plot device. I mean, out of all the places that a group of highly skilled bank robbers (or possibly even BMX extreme sports rejects) can hit... why a mall? These are thieves; their primary concern with life is stealing, not kidnapping and extortion. Pretty farfetched, but okay, I suppose. Now Observe and Report on the other hand, has a stronger foothold in reality. Nude streaker terrorizing (if you can call showing off your godly physique to any immediate stranger a terrorist activity) the mall, that's really a possibility. Just how long he can get away with it, is kind of sketchy. But still, it's definitely a lot more believable. And the fact that there was an inside job, involving one of the security guards (Oops! There I go again... I'm sorry; SPOILER ALERT!) is very realistic. This movie makes no excuses and it is what it is. Totally funny if you have a penchant for understanding a highly dysfunctional comedy. Just the scenes where Seth Rogen's character Ronnie completely breaks the silence and launches into the poignant and laconic universal salute of "FUCK YOU!" is priceless and very carefully measured. And let's not forget the exchange between him and Aziz's character, which was an ode to yet another one of my favorite comedic (and highly dysfunctional in its own right) classics Bad Santa, during the negotiation scene between Tony Cox and the late great Bernie Mac. Simply put, just substitute the words "fuck you!" for "half" and you've got a gem on your hands there, my friends! Now that I think about it, Paul Blart did feature an homage to Bruce Willis' trapped in an air vent scene in Die Hard. So I guess that's yet another similarity right then and there, folks! In that both films contain some sort of homage to other movies.

So what's left? Oh yes, I've heard there are rumors of a potential sequel to Paul Blart. It kind of figures as such, when you consider that Happy Madison Productions is notorious for making films that are highly grossing office blockbusters. What would be cool is that if they could work out some sort of deal and pit these two characters against each other somehow. That would really be the kind of project that would be really worthwhile to see. Can you just imagine Paul Blart squaring off against Ronnie Barnhardt? That would be awesome... So until next time, I'll leave you with this highly concocted visual aid just to get you started on the laughter that will most likely be sure to ensue soon enough...

This has been P.S. Elliott (AKA: his holiness of wholesomeness Dr. Gonzo XXVII) reporting for the disassociated blog that is The Animate Tripe Chronicles.

P.S. I also forgot to mention that both films featured hilarious sequences with the main protagonists applying for the police force... so much so in fact, that they both have to endure a set of challenges along them standard issue police endurance test type obstacle courses.

Furthermore, both films also feature a first date between the protagonists and their love interest. While Ronnie technically scored on the first date (well...sort of, considering Brandi's state of heavily medicated inebriation and all!) and Paul Blart blew it by royally fucking up Karaoke night for everybody within earshot... just who actually won in the end is subject to conjecture; since Paul does get married and Ronnie just gets the secondary love interest. Oops! There I go again! SPOILER ALERT! How long the two of them will last together, however, is anybody's guess... considering that Nell is one of them born again virgin nutbags and all that jazz.

The Fly Kingdom Documentary Production Diary

2010-05-16T09:44:00.018-04:00

Hey again people, I just wanted to announce to you all that I recently had the opportunity to put my first official documentary together, and the subject in question is none other than my friend and distinguished musical collegue, Dr. Oviedo (AKA: the cryptomusicologist of The Fly Kingdom). So I just thought I'd give a little brief summary on just how this project came about. About two or three weeks ago I got an email from the doctor stating that he found a site online that was a contest of sorts, which required that any participant submit a video as to who they are; but the requisite was that the video submission could be no more than two minutes long. All I can say was sure, I can do that... but I have no experience with film, nor did I have any working knowledge of just how to put a film together from scratch. Sounds like a challenge, I thought.

So why not? A few days later, I get another email from him stating that he needed a ride to some lecture, which was essentially just a prep course for some of the teachers involved with this up and coming music competition scheduled to take place soon. Sorry I can't remember the details off the top of my head now, but what I do recall was that it was a Sunday, and that there was metered parking; which I later came to realize wasn't even in effect on that day! This I realized, a little too late; that is, after squandering a fortune's worth of old Washington quarters (pre- statehood era) down the Miami parking authority's answer to public maintenance and seemingly pleasant looking preservation/upkeep/what have you. We have entered Plasticsville again, folks... As if the mayor didn't have enough of our hard earned taxpayer money already! Anyways, I agreed to take him to the place, figuring that we could easily shoot the video after we got out of the near hour and a half long speech. The food was free at least, which more than made up for the lost quarters. Sorry, I'm a numismatist, what can I say? I just can't stand to lose old quarters, or new statehood quarters for that matter, for I'm sure they'll be worth quite a bit of someday!

Anyways, we got out of the lecture and headed on back over to his digs and began the shoot, which was a little hit and miss at first. But luckily he provided me with a list of sample questions, courtesy of that online website contest's rules, and I was able to put together a couple of questions. Since I didn't want to make it look like a talk show, I opted not to film it as a question and answer section with both him and myself in the same frame, and instead opted for just asking him the questions off camera and then just filming his response. The ending result was a half hour plus opus which I knew I would be editing very carefully over the course of the next couple of days--- two and a half weeks to be exact!

The first shot was perhaps my favorite, because I left the digital camcorder running without letting him know that he was being filmed. I managed to get a cool shot of him setting up his sitar, attaching the tumba to it. He then played for a bit, and then I stopped and began asking him the series of questions to which he responded one by one. It wasn't 'til the second or third taped segment that I realized it would be a cool idea to get different shots of him tinkering in the studio, and possibly even just getting some shots of him playing about on a piano, or another instrument to provide the audience with the idea that he is not only a sitarist, but an arranger and composer of his own original music. My second favorite shot had to be the shot of him playing on his Casio Privia keyboard (which is included as a short clip in one of the videos, and then spliced up towards the end as the credits appear). The angle was exactly what I was hoping for. And all I can say is that I'm glad I decided to bring along the tripod, otherwise this wouldn't have worked the way it did.

Another worry I had was the stability of the camera on the improvised surfaces. I had to place the camera on an empty box that was situated on top of an portable amplifier with a slight curve to it, and a handle, which made it a bit tricky to keep it perfectly stable, but miraculously (and through the wonderful power of steady image settings) the shot wasn't shaky at all. I even recall positioning the camera angle just a touch, and that didn't even show up on the completed film at all. Amazing what this little camcorder of mine can do! It's a Sony DCR-DVD650 by the way, in case anybody's wondering... from a technical standpoint and all, that is. Basically it operates with either a mini-DVD and/or a memory stick, which I'll soon get into the setbacks about in a bit.

I shot a couple of more scenes here and there, one of which involved him sitting near his computer as he was explaining how his current project came about. That one had to be the one I would find myself having the most trouble with, since the background noise tended to obscure the audio track. Yes, that's right... one thing I learned on this shoot was that if you're planning to record a documentary, be sure to have an external recording device, in case the source isn't perfectly clear. This is basically a lesson in the school of hard knocks here, kids! Anyways, I managed to wing that one, because I knew that the process of subtitling everything that was said in that segment was just going to be an exercise in futility. So if you can hear it, that's fine... if you can't, just play it over and over again 'til you realize that he's talking about his inspiration coming in the form of an old Billie Holiday tune, whose notoriety implies that it was once linked to a suicide and whatnot. Kind of morbid, but hey--- all of us musicians have our quirks! Anyways, I filmed the rest of the segments, with the next to last one being my least favorite, because I chose to operate the camera manually as opposed to just setting it on a tripod, which resulted in a highly shaky picture, but with decent tracking at least.

This portion was almost eliminated completely from the film, since it did not provide any immediate answers to the questions I concocted for this project, but rather provided some more impromptu musical compositions. Basically put, it was just Jerry strumming (or should I say sympathetically picking?) away at his main instrument. I was really amazed at just how quickly this project came together. Towards the end of the shoot (or principal photography as they say in the trade) I suggested to him that I would need some stills, preferably of the album he was referring to in the documentary, which was Ravi Shankar's album Bridges. Then I spotted this book he had lying around in his pad, which was a Ragopedia and asked if he had a still image of this book, or if he could find it online somewhere. He said probably, and then I thought it would be easier to just film it for the hell of it, and then use a still from there and use it as some sort of cover shot somehow. In the process of actually putting the pieces together, I decided that the initial take was in fact more effective, and so I just left it as it was (without settling for just a basic still, and having the video itself imported instead). This was just a shot of the Ragopedia book that he had on a stand and nothing more. Somehow this made me think of old school Kevin Smith and the cover shots that he used in the film Clerks, so I guess I was shooting for that type of vision, somewhat I guess...

After all that was wrapped up, I drove home and began the long painstaking process only to run into a slew of technical problems along the way, which have all been resolved, but were never really apparently that clear to me before. Beginning with the fact that if you render an almost half an hour long piece of film in basic avi format, you can expect to having to rely upon a high capacity form of media storage (preferably a 16gb removable thumb drive!). All this I found out when I finished the first draft of the film and decided to drive on over to give Jerry a sneak peek as to how the film as coming along. Of course, not initially of course... since I was still under the idiotic line of reasoning that I could very well manage to fit this sucker onto a regular compact CD-R disc if I'd just render it as a Quicktime movie. On our first visit, I realized that the video stalled at about four minutes into the piece, which really left a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach since it was all just technical issues getting in the way of completing this project. So then I opted to buy a 16gb flash drive, courtesy of Staples, after realizing that the fake Chinese imports that I found on eBay didn't work at all. Don't ask me how they manage to make these imitation knock offs, but my computer even registers it as being 15.6 gigabytes of storage being readily available! Go figure...

Anyways, so with all this potential going back and forth, I then realized that I needed to splice some stills into the picture itself to get a sort of Ken Burns effect up into this piece. But the only problem here was that I was not readily aware as to how to go about panning stills correctly. Hell, I didn't even know how to chain the effects correctly until I happened to discuss this matter with Jason Ortiz, the percussionist we ran into at Nikki's Birthday Party/Drum Circle Jam. Basically the thing I was overlooking was that I wasn't clicking on the add button and just closing the window up, which basically didn't do anything at all to the portion of the film I was working on at the time. So to you Jason, I say thanks for giving me the much needed "Aha!" moment, that I was overlooking before. This is why he's credited towards the end of the picture, along with Jerry's friend Brian Crowl, who suggested to render the finished project in an MPEG layer 1 format, and set the resolution to 320 by 240, with the audio being sampled at 41,000 Mhz and rendered in 16 bit.

So after no luck in determining just how to go about panning the stills correctly, I managed to find an online YouTube tutorial which explained the process (sorry if I forget the exact specific link, but I'm sure you'll get the idea from watching anyone of these with the link provided) and I was able to determine how to render it the way I wanted. The only thing that I would overlook then was the sampling rate of the frames in these processes. I didn't realize that you could slow it down by right clicking on the piece and then looking to adjust it under the properties tab in Sony Vegas. Far be it from me to do anything intelligent and actually read the instruction manual! It's all gonzo, my friends... Anyways, about a couple of days later, I managed to get the first draft of the video completed and delivered it to Jerry in my new removable Staples brand USB thumb drive. His initial reaction to the piece was that all it needed was a BBC Logo in the bottom right corner, which was awfully funny and very touching to me as a would-be filmmaker!

Anyways, I then decided to revamp a couple of things that were still off and were still in need of general tweakage; including a line that Jerry accidentally flubbed when he stated that the second album that inspired him of Ravi Shankar's was called Introduction to Sitar, when in fact it was called Sounds of India. Because of this I had Jerry record a correction to the name of the album. He did two takes of it, and I edited both parts into one and used it for the cover shot, which would be a panned shot of the album in question in the first installment of the interview. All of this took place directly after the first day of shooting, when he realized that he made that mistake after playing back the portions of the video which I had sent to him through Sendthisfile.com (which is a cool way to send large files via email). That is, after he recommended SendSpace.com (yet another alternative) and I made the mistake of doing a Google search after I had forgotten the exact name of the website and was given this result. But at any rate, either of these handy little websites serves their purpose. But the rate on the other hand is a rather sluggish one. It took me nearly a week to get all the files to him!

Anyways, the initial draft of the documentary included slightly different credits (which were basically fonts appearing slightly misplaced or needlessly in bold type, or simply just not including further information... such as as the song credits and/or the special thanks to's at the end). All of this needed to be revamped, along with the duration of the slides that were panned throughout the film, which were zooming in and out a little too fast for a such a laid back documentary. The shots of the sitar builder who built his customized axe were not included on the first draft of the video as well. It occurred to him that this should be in there along with a stock picture of the sitar just like the one he had. I agreed it was a good idea, but the pan itself for the picture of Jay Scott Hackleman was in fact quite a mission. It had to do more with the fact that the picture itself was more of a portrait than a landscape, and so I was able to resolve this issue by zooming into the picture and panning it slowly, making sure that the frame didn't get out of place, since there was still the portion of the taped video appearing on a separate track of the project. If I was to position it incorrectly, you'd all would've probably wound up watching a still that flew off the main picture, and that's a big no, no... my friends.

Anyways, after a bit of tweaking here and there I successfully rendered my first documentary and Jerry had uploaded it all. Only then, I found out that the audio track was completely muted, so Jerry had to re-render it all again and save it all in avi format. Apparently the mpeg layer 1 method that Brian suggested didn't quite work. Must have been a glitch somewhere. Either way, Jerry did it over again, and started re-uploading all the segments of the film. This uploading time, however, was hindered by Jerry's unexpected visit to the hospital just a few weeks back, but he pulled through just fine and continued to upload it days later. For a while there were only two parts of this interview being shown online due to this setback, and what's more is that they were uploaded backwards (i.e. parts VI and V) which only begged the immediate question from the likes of yours truly. Why did you do that Jerry? It's because he wanted to make sure that they were listed in the correct running order.

So then I realized that there was a name I forgot to add to the last portion of the segment, which was none other than Joey Borotto (of Love Rocket Media fame, who was responsible for putting together one of the last gigs of The Fly Kingdom at The Wallflower Gallery, replete with tantric Yoga dancers) and so it was back to the drawing board. This was perfect, because the transition times on the credits at the end were fading just a tad little too fast for my taste, so I managed to correct that. When I told Jerry about this, he was hesitant to re upload it all, because it meant that he'd have to upload everything again. At which point I thought to myself... there's got to be a better way, and there was! This is when I found out about the handy little sorting method for just about any YouTuber out there called (drum roll please, maestro... if you will) Playlists. So luckily, I was able to point this out to him in time, and so we just got together once again, and re-rendered the last portion of the documentary once again, uploaded it, and replaced the haphazardly spliced acetate that was on there before. So for a while, the world actually got to see the original last part of the documentary, before everything was finalized and appears as it does now... with the corrected credits, and best of all; it's free to view and easily accessible online!

So that my friends, is the story behind this wonderful collaboration/project/what have you, as best as my chopped up and highly out of sequence of a memory is concerned, that is! It seems like I'm truly living up to my blog name Dr. Gonzo XXVII in light of the fact that this whole project came out to epic biblical proportions and all; which is a near total run time of twenty seven minutes in length! How's that for a documentary/webumentary/whatever have you? And also, as a side note; Yes, that is my name in the credits and not my alias! As Weird Al Yankovic said in the parody of Close Encounters of the Third Kind in his cult classic film UHF. "This means something... this is important!"

This has been P.S. Elliott (or the artist formerly known as such, and now christened Dr. Gonzo XXVII by a higher authority far out there somewhere) reporting for the dissassociated blog that is The Animate Tripe Chronicles. Eat your heart out Mr. De Mille. I'm still not ready for my close up now!

Top Seven Signs You Have Writer's Block

2010-05-12T10:27:00.003-04:00

Hello again my beloved fans and avid readers alike... recently I've noticed that I hadn't really followed up on that idea of constantly adding to the reader's digestive tract of lighthearted comedy novelty writing by continuing to post blog entries that included that Top Seven System that was introduced a while ago. So sorry about that, my fellow prisoners... but it appears as though I've been suffering from a heavy case of writer's block, and well--- enough said! Let's leave it at that. So in an effort to keep this blog concept of mine going, and prevent it from being left unattended with blog entries dating back to the stone age and all, I think I'll give it another go, all right? So here is the:

TOP SEVEN SIGNS YOU HAVE WRITER'S BLOCK

7) You keep telling yourself that one day you'll be most remembered by you're highly anticipated follow up to your one and only literary offering, which was possibly just a three lined dedication to someone up on a website somewhere, most likely a guestbook entry! No wonder writers haven't got any friends!

6) Your ego's currently obsessed with the fact that you must publish that manuscript that's been boiling in your head ever since childhood, and yet you never get around to writing it because you just don't have any free time! Excuses... excuses! HA!

5) In an effort to try and jump start and get yer' literary creative juices flowing again, you resort to watching your favorite movies, reading the books that have the most profound affect on your writing style, or any other activity that spurs your creativity over and over again to no avail and wind up playing your favorite video games (even if you already beat them) until you've developed some sort of acute short term memory loss, and realize... damn, where was I again?

4) You try and try, but just can't get past writing the perfect draft in the dedications portion (or general acknowledgments section) of that book you've been planning on publishing for well over eight years now. Somehow, the line I would like to thank God for the gift I inherited as a writer doesn't seem to strike the right chord with the publishers, for this holy deity most likely has a consortium of lawyers out there, all gunning for you; demanding some sort of royalties for every original copy sold, just because you had the brilliant idea of using His glorious name in your book. And to that I say: "GODDAMN IT ALL TO HELL ALREADY!"

3.) During the brainstorming portion of laying out your proposed work of literature, your outline turns into a likely candidate for an index section for any garden variety Encyclopedia Britannica volume out there.

2) You try, try, and try again but just can't get anything worthwhile, or seemingly even worthy of being remembered and commented on upon by a group of readers out there. Kind of reminds me of this dreaded blog post. Did someone say desperation writing? Anyone? Anyone at all?

1) You're currently engaging in the writing, revising, rewriting, last minute tweaking, double checking, proofreading, omissions, edits, reedits, and finalized proof session for a blog piece about... you guessed it! The top seven signs that you have writer's block! Need I say more?!?

This has been P.S. Elliott (or the artist formerly known as Dr. Gonzo XXVII) reporting for the disassociated blog that is The Animate Tripe Chronicles.

Valentine's Day is for...

2010-02-19T19:09:00.001-05:00

Well, it's that time of year again, friends... the time of year when guys are subjected to buying roses, and chocolates, and maybe even fancy jewelry and/or sexy kinky undergarments for their special significant one and only's. Of course, it's not because they want to (half the time anyways) it's because they simply need to... to make up for the other three hundred so and so days a year that they're just the typical asshole (that's not counting the Super Bowl, of course--- since that's a gimme!)

Now don't get me wrong fellas! I'm not ranking on you all, it's quite the opposite, really. I'm actually relishing the fact that I'm an asshole. It's the one true testament to the very fiber of my being that I have left these days. It's the only true thing that tends to set me apart from the rest of this foolish human race at times, who are under the stupidest preconceived notion (that was most likely established sometime during the dark ages) that by giving candy and flowers to their significant other(s) will actually help to do wonders to boost their relationships and all that jazz. Hey man, the only thing this bon bon will boost is my heart rate, for I have enough cholesterol blockage as it is, ya dig?!?

Why is it that we even have this one special day of the year set aside simply to proclaim our love and affection for one another? What makes it so special? I'll tell you what... it's got to be those specially packaged sugar coated milk 'n cherry'd nuggated sales at the local drugstores that make it all that special, isn't it? Yes, that's right. I think we're on to something here, dear Watson! It's really just a clever marketing ploy brought on by the corporate elite (i.e. big business) to screw us out of our perfectly meaningful relationships by sending us into unwanted guilt trips and inevitable harangues brought on by our lovely mistresses when they scream at us for not bringing home that special holiday dark Dutch mocha chino flavored double dipped chocolate chip rocky road vanilla fudge with a side of cherry holiday flavored Häagen-Dazs that they all know and love. And all the while you're thinking... how is it that the thinner my wallet gets, the plumper my lover becomes?!? There has to be some equation I'm missing here, folks. Care to fill me in, please?

Special thanks to Joe Cool Public
(AKA: prodigiously anonymous that is... for this image)

Actually, hold that thought. For there's always the other alternative. The gift of a nicely petaled rose! One that's guaranteed not to wither and die, or your money back! Some of them are as plastic as the facial expression you're most likely going to be receiving from your loved one, so please do try to not look directly at the vase, for you might get a case of temporary blindness brought on by sheer manic confusion that there really is no predefined medical terminology for. It's something like... "Oh, shucks! I know you like flowers, gosh!" Fucking goofy shit, to say the least! And then there's the protocol. Which type of flower is it that I should send? Should it be white to signify our everlasting friendship without hinting at anything sexual or (instinctual, for that matter?). What if years on down the road, when this cherk* realizes that the guy she's with isn't really worth the wait decides to get hitched with little ole' me? Should I try to send her a dozen white roses minus one that I'll substitute for a red rose? What will she think of that then? Is it like a symbolic representation à la the likes of a yin yang symbol? Maybe, just maybe, I ought to consider sending her some pink roses. But then, I wouldn't want her to think that even though the sentiment is there, my love would be weak, and not as strong as say completely crimson red roses. Maybe I should just send her black withered roses with a bunch of thorns in them to signify the true and awfully inevitable future that we'll have together... one that's filled with traces of gray and sagging waddles of flesh just parading around in our worn out underwear while we're getting busy trying to rekindle our passion for one another and our deadbeat kid that hasn't moved out of the house yet while still well into his thirties is still sleeping in the room next door! God, where the fuck did we go wrong?!?

And if snacks and scented roses aren't your trip, there's always a nice perfume or a stuffed animal to make her nod and sigh... if not slap you in the face for not getting her the one with the bow, that is! Yes, what better way is there to say I love you than with the sweet smell of a designer fragrance that'll most likely give your significant other a hardy case of skin rash! After all, nothing says I love you like the color red, right? And what's with this official holiday mascot of ours, anyways?!? What? Couldn't cut it as baby new year, so you just had to take up archery lessons and join the supernatural aviation squad there, fella? Yes, I'm talking to you Cupid! Which rhymes with stupid... anybody get that? You may want to jot this down in case you're planning on writing a poetic verse or two in the King's English, or should I say what's left of it? Yes, that's right folks... how many times do women have to be subjected to the laconic ramblings of the typical jock off who can't even speak a word that has more than three syllables in it at any particular gathering, but is awfully fluent in dumb fuck who professes his love by writing:

Babe, I'm a' luv you like dat
as a matta of fact
If I can't git you to spread
I'm gonna hit ya phat back!

Ain't that just the sweetest little modern day urban limerick of a haiku you've ever seen? And still I wonder how these guys like these managed to marry the girls next door who at one point may have been our childhood sweethearts. Did anyone say bitter? Moi? No... I'm just a cynical misanthropic evil genius in the era of ramped inbred retardation. And as I'm pushing thirty and well on my way downhill I'm beginning to realize that I'll eventually have no other choice but to consider lowering my standards to carry on an insightful conversation involving lip liner, nail polish, or just about any other type of facial cosmetic (not counting my love juice, of course) with a sexy looking woman, or settle for the most insightful and intellectually stimulating conversation with the ugliest, barren, and possibly even gender bending gal that no one would want to even prod with a stolen reproductive appendage! Maybe she was a leper in a past life, who knows?!? Either way, karma is a bitch, and she's back in heat every time this time of season hits and I find myself wondering why I haven't found the right one... or maybe even the wrong one, just to have a good time with! There are no two ways about anything anymore, all sales are final, all bets are off, and there's no middle of the road to anything at all. You're born alone, and you'll die alone! That's as much as I can say for any type of "meaningful" relationship.

It's all a mirage and nothing more. I say if you're going to con us into loving one another by making a special day for friends and lovers, and even friends who want to be lovers, then you should probably design a day for the lonely hearted singles out there as well, okay? Let's start with the gift of choice. Let's see... what would be great for a lonely person. A vibrator? Nah... that's too obvious. Yet another gimme, to say the least. Just don't give it to me, all right? You sick fuck! LOL...smiley face! Or how about a drink? Yeah, that's a start. A drink. You ever notice that the invention of wheat and barley is the greatest one of them all, when it comes to breaking the ice with someone? How do you think that term got started anyways?!? Break the ice by pouring me a beer, honey...okay? No one ever buys me a drink, and yet if they did should I turn them down if I don't immediately like them? Hell, they could be the greatest person to ever walk the face of the earth. Except, they really don't meet my standards. After all, I'm at a bar here... so could you really blame me for thinking this way?

And next comes the day to celebrate it on. Well, we already included the bar into our scenario, so let's try to keep that theme going. Maybe we'll have a sing-a-long gimmick to peruse our profession to one another in form of a song. I believe it's called karaoke! And they do have that at the bar, don't they? Hey, wait a minute! I think we're onto something here. Yes, that's it! Drinks for everybody on the house! No... that'll most likely render my wallet rather futile. So since we can't have the well run dry this early in the game, why not have the ladies get their drinks for free, or maybe even half price off just so we men can't complain too much if they turn us down after we've made the highly expected social faux pas of a friendly proposal be offering to order them a drink in advance, that is; way before they're not inebriated enough to realize just how much of a pathetic fool you really are. So maybe that's why the birthrate in this country is at an all time high level of unplanned for pregnancies and all that jazz! But far be it from me to drop a government statistic down on your ass, since it's all bullshit really. Come to think about it, even a census worker can have a bad enough day in which he or she will choose to not come in to work at all, or simply pass the buck if they do show up at all. So there's no accuracy... that's just an illusion, and get that straight!

Another thing that should be gotten straight is the notion I'm trying to impress upon you all; would be lovers and single folk alike. It doesn't matter. We don't need a holiday (or the corporate semblance of one) to lull us into believing that a day like Valentine's is a special day. What's so special about it? Oh, I forgot... this time you're planning to rub my the magic lamp with both hands while you do your impression of a street sweeper on a massive slab of a boulder this time, right honey? Nice! In the meantime, one need not look too far to notice some strange imagery going around to define this particular holiday. Such as the winged creature that I mentioned earlier. Question: Why is he always blonde and blue eyed? Is there some kind of Aryan notion going on here or something? I mean, think about it for a second, gang! Okay? The final solution may still be in the works here, without us not even getting wind of it. Maybe, just maybe they're dumping the sterilizing chemical formulas into our delicious sweets! Dear oh dear! No wonder the kid turned out to have an IQ the size of a rodent! The rabbit died on the installment plan, my dear! The last bit of love advice you would want to hear is from a dumb winged angel who thinks he's at the local archery range whom is just making his quota for the day; pitting lover against lover until they're both wondering where all the fun in their lives went to? Try the bar, I hear the drinks are free on karoake night!

Besides, we don't need a specific day of the year to be set aside for thinly veiled apologies dressed up in the form of something "sweet" or "romantic". Personally, when I think of sweet, I'm immediately reminded of cavities. And the word romantic only seems to conjure up some very lovely images of people getting mauled to death by lions at the Colosseum in ancient times. Who really needs this stupid tradition anyways? If you want to see people feel any sense of guilt or remorse for behaving like an idiot the rest of the three hundred and sixty-four days of the year (sometimes three hundred and sixty-five if you're counting leap years... smarty pants!) all you have to do is turn on the television and watch some political fool in a scandal, or even better... watch some jock off talk his way out of a paper bag on live and nationally syndicated television. Can you even begin to imagine that with all the catastrophes that are going on in the world, in this day and age, right at this very time (i.e. Haiti, Iraq, Afghanistan, etc.) that we'd actually care to hear about what somebody like Tiger Woods has to say for his sexual indiscretions? Who cares?!? He's an athlete... sport fucking his number one (and mostly number sixty-nine, for the most part...) fans just comes with the trade (no pun intended). Hey, just as long as he doesn't do his Mean Joe Greene imitation by throwing his love juice soaked jersey in my face, we're all cool, okay? That sorta reminds me of a presidential intern that we all knew and loved by the name of Monica something or other. Hey... there's a thought! Why not help to reconstruct and resurrect the clean cut image of the fallen Woods (no pun intended) by giving him a reality show? Celebrity sex rehab, starring the aforementioned Woods, of course, Marv Albert, Monica Lewinski, and David Duchovny. Hey, just a thought...

Bear in mind that I use Tiger Woods as a perfect textbook case example, not 'cause it's the most recent scandal to shock our system, but because it clearly illustrates just how carried away we can let ourselves get in light of something that we put high on a pedestal. Sound familiar? Try to buy some more of those heart shaped spicy chewables next time, (you know the ones with all those imperative sayings?) for she still needs to delve into her diabetic coma, okay? Well, that's just a thought... and furthermore, I just want to add: Down with all these fake plastic roses and clever little preludes to full blown diabetes coming in the form of death by chocolate already! And this is why Valentine's Day is (strictly speaking, for all intensive purposes) for nothing but a bunch of yuppie saps! So to you all I say aloha, and enjoy those new cavities of yours that are just waiting to hear from a dentist's own drill!

Again, a very special thanks to Joe Cool Public
(this time appearing in the form of Google images)

This has been P.S. Elliott, alias Dr. Gonzo XXVII, {also very proud (but not excessively hubris) to be single without being tied down to any long term commitments and/or engagements for that matter!} reporting for the disassociated blog that is The Animate Tripe Chronicles.

Get Alvarez!

2010-01-27T13:58:00.003-05:00

Okay, before you accuse yours truly of inciting some sort of riot, or some sort of violet uprising (or something along those lines) with the title of this here blog post--- just remember I'm only satirizing a movie title over here folks. Well, a movie title of an okay (to watch on a weekend with some recreational pharmaceuticals and some Funyuns) remake starring Sly (Yo...Absolutely!) Stalone. Anyways, I first became aware of this petition today at work, courtesy of one of the higher ups (i.e. the boss's wife) who's just about had it up to here with this mayor of ours (AKA: the county deputy Viagrasque chemically dependent chief smoke). Of course, don't quote me on that 'cause that's just downright liable! Maybe I should just hide that title with an asterisk and some other pound signs to leave things up to the imagination... so how about that c$@^%!ucker Mayor Carlos Alvarez, huh?

Okay, but seriously folks. As we speak there's a petition going around to recall him as city mayor. And by recall, I'm not saying that we're bringing him back to the factory to fit him with some new parts just so he can get more mileage out of you and me, and just about every other local taxpayer out there. No, we're talking about taking action to begin the motions to oust this mother once and for all! And maybe a petition such as this can spark a truly remarkable movement here in lil' ole' sunny (as in the sun shines up your ass) Florida! Since we've already chosen to let the big corporations fund their political interests, then perhaps we can just return Mr. Alvarez with a store bought receipt (i.e. ballot with a tax incentive rebate etched on its back in tiny minuscule letters that any fine print buff out there can easily overlook) and demand our money back. How about it? You with me on this so far, people? Okay, maybe that was a helluva farce... but something to think about in the great big bi-product daze of this highly manufactured corporate era of ours; where the brand name is tattooed to our (prominent?) candidates via means of corporate lobbyists/tattoo artists!

Also, my apologies for not being readily aware of this sooner. Apparently, it's been going on since December 4th, 2009, and the deadline to collect a total of 60,000 signatures is this Monday February 1st, 2010. Yes, I know there's a typo on the official county web page claiming that it's on Friday February 1st, 2010! I blame that on standard operating procedure to confuse the hell out of our voters; highly negligent and downright criminal!

Anyways, I took action and did my part...now so can you! Please click on the following link for more details...

Miami Dade County Official Recall Page

Get Your Downloadable Petition Form Here

This has been Dr. Gonzo XXVII (or P.S. Elliott for short) reporting for the dissassociated blog that is The Animate Tripe Chronicles...

And that's the way it was!

Hail to the Chief (i.e. Mr. and Mrs. Corporate America, that is...)

2010-01-23T12:12:00.007-05:00

Hello again everybody, I've been watching (and taking notice) of this important piece of legislation for a while now, ever since there was a debate about it appearing on The Bill Moyers Journal several months back. Here's a link to it in case you missed it. And just today I opened up my electronic correspondence from the folks over at The Peace Team and lo' and behold, what did I find out? That the Supreme Court in all its infinite right wing fanatical logic decided to allow it to pass, thus rendering the outcome of our democratic elections subject to corporate decision making (i.e. Coco vs. Jay "the Chin" Leno... ring a bell?). So, to put it mildly we're officially sold out on anything even remotely resembling democratic ideals in this country. So thank you Mr. and Mrs. Corporate America for ruining this great country of ours! I'm going to paste the message as relayed to yours truly below... even though it's not going to make a hint of difference anymore, since what's happening lately has rendered yours truly over here a truly cynical political atheist. So just sit back and kiss your First World Country goodbye, and let's enjoy the start of this being a Third World Banana Republic, people! The time to take action has already expired, and there's nothing we can do about it anymore. Perhaps global warming will send me a healthy dose of skin cancer, or maybe I'll just croak due to excessive heatstroke or maybe even drown before I live to see Burger King or McDonald's, or maybe even Coca Cola elect our next monarch. So toodles to you all, until then...

====================================================

Because of the gravity of the crime against the Constitution committed by a gang of 5 right wing judicial outlaws on our Supreme Court yesterday, we are launching two critical action pages at once

Action Page: Corporations Are NOT The People
http://www.peaceteam.net/action/pnum1029.php

Action Page: Impeach The Supreme Court 5
http://www.peaceteam.net/action/pnum1030.php

By any fair legal definition, the decision yesterday by The Supreme Court 5 constitutes nothing less than an act of TREASON against the people of the United States. Having read and analyzed the entire 183 page decision and all of its concurring and dissenting opinions ourselves, we are fully prepared to support this accusatory conclusion.

Having so grossly abused its jurisdiction by presuming to decide a question expressly WAIVED by the petitioner in the Court below (p12), this rogue Supreme Court ruled for the FIRST time that NO corporation can be constrained from unlimited influence over our elections. And even assuming that the Court intended the decision to only apply to American corporations, the Court expressly DECLINED (pp 46-47) to reach the question of whether foreign ownership stakes in
American corporations should likewise be given carte blanche to put their thumbs on the scales of our democracy.

Thus, until Congress FURTHER acts (and it must, though it could not have escaped the attention of The Supreme Court 5 that the current Republican minority has vowed to obstruct ANYTHING of consequence that Congress might try to pass), there is now nothing to constrain
foreign nationals, even our most sworn enemies, from usurping what even the most die hard Tea Bagger takes as an article of faith, that the rights of citizenship of this country are ONLY for Americans. This must be construed, within the four corners of our Constitution, as deliberately and knowingly exposing the United States of America to harm in the interim, by giving "aid and comfort" to our enemies (Constitution Article 3, section 3), should our enemies now wish to take advantage of this unprecedented and rash decision. In simple constitutional terms. . . treason!!

The fact is that we now live in a world of giant transnational corporations, with allegiance to NO sovereign government, let alone our own, sworn only to exploit the most vulnerable and desperate workers they can find in any country of the world. How does The Supreme Court 5 propose parsing which of these extra-national legal artificialities should be allowed to corrupt our democratic election process? Apparently in their minds, all of them.

Action Page: Corporations Are NOT The People
http://www.peaceteam.net/action/pnum1029.php

So what is it that we can and MUST do? The first and most prominent proposal we heard yesterday, and which we of course support, was to amend the Constitution to clarify that corporations have no such rights as people (which is to say U.S. citizens). While this certainly could not hurt, and would obviously help (assuming such an proposed amendment could garner 67 votes in a Senate already stalemated by obstructionism, let alone be ratified by 3/4 of the states, including many "red" ones), what we must first assert is that there is nothing WRONG with our Constitution, and demand that Congress do whatever it can to protect it.

Action Page: Impeach The Supreme Court 5
http://www.peaceteam.net/action/pnum1030.php

Because just as importantly, we are on ominous and clear notice that there is no further outrage these 5 gangsters in black robes are not gleefully and arrogantly capable of. Indeed, in his dissenting opinion (that the majority did not go far ENOUGH), Clarence Thomas characterized the decision as only a "first step" (Thomas opinion p.1). It is worth nothing that the authorship of the majority opinion is claimed by Anthony M. Kennedy, heretofore generally considered the LEAST wing nutty of the 5. Therefore, the immediate and unavoidably necessary recourse must be impeachment for all five, treason already being a high crime, otherwise the horrors yet to issue from their treacherous minds is too terrible to contemplate.

NEW FOUR COLOR BUMPER STICKERS

We will have much more to say on all this in subsequent alerts to follow shortly, but for now we are making available for no charge (not even shipping) your choice of one of two absolutely gorgeous full 4 color process bumper stickers. Take a "Corporations Are NOT The People" bumper sticker, OR a "Impeach The Supreme Court 5" bumper sticker for free. Of course if you can make a contribution (or if you want both), please DO contribute what you can, which is what allows us to send these out for free to anyone who cannot make a donation right now.

You can request your bumper sticker from the return page after you submit either of the action pages above. Or you can do directly to this page and get them there.

Bumper Stickers for no charge:
http://www.peaceteam.net/bumper_stickers.php

Facebook participants can also submit the action pages at

Corporations Are Not The People:
http://apps.facebook.com/fb_voices/action.php?qnum=pnum1029

Impeach The Supreme Court 5:
http://apps.facebook.com/fb_voices/action.php?qnum=pnum1030

And on Twitter, just send the following Twitter reply for the
Corporations Are Not The People action

@cxs #p1029

And this Twitter reply for the Impeach The Supreme Court 5 action

@cxs #p1030

Please take action NOW, so we can win all victories that are supposed to be ours, and forward this alert as widely as possible.

If you would like to get alerts like these, you can do so at
http://www.millionfaxmarch.com/in.htm

Or if you want to cease receiving our messages, just use the function
at http://www.millionfaxmarch.com/out.htm

usalone366b:129247

====================================================

This has been Dr. Gonzo XXVII (or P.S. Elliott for short) reporting (or relaying a message onto the likes of people capable of something as simple as critical thinking) for the disassociated blog that is The Animate Tripe Chronicles.

Brimstone vs. Reaper

2009-12-25T13:38:00.004-05:00

Today, I'd just like to take a trip down the proverbial memory lane of television land; just to gripe over the shows of yesteryear, which I thought were really worthwhile; in the sense that were both intelligent enough to be worthy of my coach potato watching time... (as well as my blogging time; otherwise I wouldn't be typing up an article on it, duh!) and were both prematurely canceled before their season finale time; hence my griping. And those two shows, which were awfully very similar, to the point where I could have sworn a potential lawsuit would arise somewhere, somehow just didn't make the cut of the fifteen second attention span that drives this country of ours altogether... sad to say. Of course, they both caught my eye; the latter of course being a near rip (no pun intended) of the first one. But then again, I'm not going to blast the series, for its producer is a favorite director of yours truly; (i.e. Kevin Smith of Clerks, MallRats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, etc. fame) and besides, it did have its moments as well, which made it work. So I'd probably go as far as saying that this show was actually made as a sort of love letter (nah, maybe that's too extreme... let's just say as a hats off, or a highly acknowledged nod) to the first show's creators/writers and what have you. The two shows in question of course (listed here chronologically for all of you youngsters out there that are highly lacking in history) are none other than Brimstone and Reaper.

Brimstone was ahead of its time when it first appeared on all of our cathode ray tubes in the fall of 1998. The series dealt mainly with the topic of the soul's redemption; and by that I mean the redemption of Thirtysomething's very own Peter Horton playing the main character Ezekiel Stone, a cop that was murdered in the line of duty, shortly after taking care of his wife's rapist. What follows next was a little case of temporary misplacement with a mild case of amnesia... or maybe the guy was just hammered out of his wits; who knows? But in the little space between being killed on the job and coming back to walk amongst the living once again fifteen years later, he makes a deal with the devil; playing by Gremlins 2: The New Batch's own Donald Trump parody brought to life and delivered perfectly; John Glover. This deal, of course, involves tracking down some escaped souls that just so happened to vacate their highly sulfuresque habitat while the devil was busy polishing up his pitchfork or something. Must have been on a Sunday... for chances are that he was probably watching a televised evangelical broadcast just counting the hours 'til those souls were his and simply got distracted! Who let the three headed dogs out?!? Who knows?

John Glover and Peter Horton
in Brimstone (1998-1999)

Anyways, this very same plot device earned the series a highly reputable cult-following/loyal fan status/whatever-else-have-you type of worthwhile notoriety and some pretty nice petitions asking to bring the show back on the air, once it was canceled after just one mere season! However, the executive big wigs wouldn't have anything of it, and so the episodes were doomed to syndication (from time to time) on the Sci-Fi channel, which has now been renamed Sy Fy. Go figure! Idiocracy at its finest, I tells yah! Pretty soon, Fudd Ruckers will be Butt Fuckers, just like in the movie! Of course, never mind that pretty misanthropic tangent of mine, for I'm still on the subject of comparing one show to the other; only to realize that in so doing, I'm wasting my time since these two shows are almost exactly alike!

So after this cutting edge sci-fi drama was over and done with... we were all treated to the pretty tamer, teenybopper-friendly prime time offering of Reaper... which was almost like a mirror image of the former show in many respects, nearly almost a decade later! This time around, the devil was played by the very talented George Hamiltonesque tan-like figure (which was a little off white at times, depending on your tv's contrast/brightness adjustment) of Ray Wise, which some of you may remember as one of the henchmen in the original RoboCop, or as the sexpot senator with a suicide wish that came about as a result of many of his liaisons coming to light in the Sean Connery/Wesley Snipes flick Rising Sun. And all, while his loving on-screen wife was in a wheelchair, if I remember correctly... what a scumbag! Anyways, who better than to play a role such as this?

The thing about this devil, as compared to John Glover's is that he's more comedic, and over-the-top when it comes to toying with the show's main protagonist Sam Oliver, played by Bret Harrison... however, that may be an understatement since Glover's Brimstone interpretation of the devil was wickedly funny in its own right; take the "Lovers" episode for example; one of my favorites, since he offered Ezekiel a beat up car to drive him from point A to point B, whilst taking the long scenic route to point Z... just to spite him. And all the while of course, demanding that he pay him $36.27, which is the exact change that he carries around in his pocket all the time, since it was all the money that he had left on him at the time of his murder. So I guess, you can really take it with you if you have to come back, that is! Anyways, I don't want to spoil the episode for you all, but let's just say that souls don't necessarily have to be living entities like you and I. Enough said...

If you would like to see it, however, here are some useful links...

- Brimstone "Lovers" Episode Part 1 of 5

- Brimstone "Lovers" Episode Part 2 of 5

- Brimstone "Lovers" Episode Part 3 of 5

- Brimstone "Lovers" Episode Part 4 of 5

- Brimstone "Lovers" Episode Part 5 of 5

Anyways, as I was saying before Ray Wise's version is more over the top, and a bit more friendlier. Maybe it was just performed this way to attract a wider fan base, and not fall into the pit trap that its predecessor had succumbed to... mostly from religious groups giving it way too much unneeded flack. But c'est la vie with any program that's way too intelligent for the American television culture, that would probably prefer watching fake reality shows like "Who Wants to Dance with the World's Top Lawyer Collecting Alimony from the Next Millionaire Bachellor?" or something... Personally, I think that making the main character (i.e. the devil's bounty hunter, so to say) much younger, and in the company of friends whilst he was still alive and not undead was a nice revamp of the initial concept. There were some similarities still intact, such as the character's love interest not being able to know about his new vocation, (i.e. Brimstone's The Mourning After episode, and just about any of the first season's of Reaper episodes where Sam has to repeatedly put off getting into a relationship with his childhood sweetheart Andi, which oddly enough was cast twice; à la the likes of Eric Stoltz in Back to the Future, with Nikki Reed being eventually replaced by Missy Peregrym.

Bret Harrison and Ray Wise
in Reaper (2007-2008)

Another thing that is a constant are the show's side characters, that sometimes wind up stealing the show with their comedic running gags and whatnot. One such character in Brimstone is Lori Petty's quirky and zany character Max always reminding Stone of how out of sync he is with today's technology (i.e. the internet), which only begs the question of just how this show would fare in today's technologically advanced climate which includes just about any and all hi-fi gizmo under the sun out there... all of which can easily be traced by the government's secret surveillance agency; and yet no one was wise enough to figure out that Stone was in fact deceased. Well, except for his first sidekick, which was eventually phased out of the program (actually I think he was executed by one of hell's escapees, if I remember correctly) and replaced by Teri Polo's character Ash, who also wound up being one of the escaped miscreants. Oops! Sorry I forgot to say SPOILER ALERT! here folks... my bad! As a matter of fact, come to think of it, most of the show's characters eventually wound up being terminated by Stone's targets. Had it lasted longer than a year, who knows where it would've gone. Remember, there were only 113 souls that he had to bring back, since I can only guess that that's as many tattoos that the makeup department could successfully etch onto Peter Horton at any given time; whereas in Reaper there was no given number of souls to be brought back (at least not that I can remember off the top of my head) and their manner of execution didn't always rely heavily upon shooting, stabbing, or penetrating their ocular orbits, but rather using a vessel, which was basically an ongoing, random MacGuffin that would change from episode to episode, which would serve as the baddies' extermination device; which would leave both the audience and the main characters to guess as to how it would actually work when the time came to send one of the damned back on a one way trip, all expenses paid ticket back to hell.

What this show essentially would be a blend of was its predecessor Brimstone, with a touch of Ghostbusters, National Lampoon's Animal House (refer to the following line of reasoning for an explanation) and maybe a side of any tween based drama that The CW is notorious for shoving down our throats instead of concentrating on highly more enjoyable/grey matter stimulating wonderful programs such as these two. Another character worthy of an Emmy nod is none other than Tyler Lambine whose brother Bluto Blutarsky-like overtones embodied the character of Bert 'The Sock' Wysocki, which really helped carry the show for the most part with his off-the-wall zany college humor antics (i.e. the kind of dick and fart joke humor that Kevin Smith is notorious for). Rick Gonzales is also noteworthy as the more down to earth anchor for Sock's crass "burp in your face/don't really give a shit as long as I get a burger and a side of fries to go with it!" attitude.

In short, I just want to conclude by saying that comparing one show against the other is not really such a brilliant idea... as a matter of fact, it would be foolish, since both shows function as a whole on their own. Brimstone's just a little darker than the other, since its target audience was intended more for grown up night owls, whereas Reaper was more for the after school geeks. Furthermore, Brimstone came out first, which gives it a solitary reputation as being trey cutting-edge and pushing the envelope of the prime time television landscape at the time; of course don't get me wrong, I'm not saying Reaper didn't do that either, since it successfully combined comedy with live action, that anybody could easily watch and get hooked on in just the tiny scope of just the two seasons that it was on the air. Of course, this is all just another fine example of how one can easily tweak an idea up and repackage it in order to resell it again to the masses. Pretty clever in and of itself, but sometimes the crowd's a little wise to the ratings game and so it gets harder and harder to fool them with something new, when the result is a pretty close facsimile, and that my friends, is the pitfall of any and all instances of modern day entertainment. And yet I still find myself asking the question: why can't they make more shows like these two? Oh well... let's see what happens next, for last I heard they were in the talks of making Reaper a cartoon series. Hopefully it won't go the same route that Clerks: The Animated Series did. And why in the hell did they have to cancel that as well? I'll never know... Oh wait! I forgot, Family Guy didn't have enough momentum yet to challenge the boundaries of the censors yet. So maybe, it could've worked were it on several years after Brian got the shit pounded out of him by Stewie, doing his ode to, or parody of Rounders.

This has been P.S. Elliott (AKA: Dr. Gonzo XXVII) playing the part of Sickle and Robair at A Movie (AKA: The Animate Tripe Chronicles, in other words...)

Lego My Ergo...

2009-12-10T14:41:00.010-05:00

So, the other day at work while I was trying very desperately to keep from falling asleep at my terminal, I decided to do a little search for some cool computer games, preferably something out of the Lego title line; because it just so happens to be one of my guilty pleasures, and I need some new fix (i.e. monumental waste of time) to keep me going through this terrible economic recession/usury pay off that I'm currently going through.

But first, let me give you a back story as to how I delved into the world of Lego video gaming. It all started about a year or so ago with Lego Star Wars The Original Trilogy; well actually The Sequel... because upon receiving the game, it wouldn't load correctly on my computer. I was running Vista at the time, and wasn't aware of the clever little formatting tweak that one can do to the executable install package using Orca, which I have mentioned in a previous post I made on here not too long ago (actually it was quite a while ago, but knowing me... I'm just your average loser of time being well tracked and all).

What appealed to me first and foremost about the game was not only the fact that it was based on my favorite movie from childhood, but because of its straight forward and very easy level of game play; no complicated first person shooters with the thousand or so controls that you'll most likely have to wind up customizing and maybe even sacrificing one or two buttons if your controller doesn't meet the compatibility/number of default button requirements... nothing of that nature; no sir! Sure, I still have to change around the buttons, but at least it's not like I'm programming a friggin' VCR here, folks! Which by the way, I'll have you know, is also very easy in and of itself... but for the sake of comedic continuity, I'll jest.

Another thing that I like about this game is the fact that you have to unlock characters in order to find the secret locations of these special building blocks (i.e. minikits) that will eventually add up to build a vehicle which you can use in the later bonus levels. And of course, the game's not over 'til you collect each and every one of these super blocks in order to build a door which leads into the bonus Lego City level. Sorry if I spoiled the fun for you all, but getting there is really the fun part.

The first time I played this game, I wasn't aware as to how it was exactly that I was supposed to import all the characters that I had unlocked from the previous game (not because I couldn't get the game to work, but because I wasn't exactly clear on whereabouts exactly was it that my game was saved). After doing some searching on this superhighway of intelligent and highly informative infrastructure, hitherto known as the world wide web, I learned that it was simply a matter of looking in my users folder, that is... after making sure that the show hidden folders option was marked off, and then simply checking out the Lucasarts folder located within the local one.

The original trilogy folder, however, was a bit different to locate, since LucasArts apparently didn't have complete control over that game's porting, which explains why it probably stalls every now and again, forcing the know-it-all dweeb of a gamer (like myself) to delete the SWLEGO.BIN file that gets generated and run the game again, thus repeating the process over and over again 'til I'm forced to live in a nursing home whilst starring at an aquarium and wondering why I'm not able to move the goldfish with my joystick controller. To which the nurse says: "But sir! That's not a gamepad that you're moving around... it's your other joystick!" To which I'll say: "Well, no wonder you've had to come in here so often to change my diapers!"

At that time, another company called Giant Interactive was at the helm, doing the programming for this game, which somehow just seemed a little sub par with the games that were developed by Traveller's Tales. Maybe they're both one in the same company, being bought out by a bigger and better empire, who knows? All's I know is that I've never once had an issue with Traveller's Tales games installed on my computer. Well, maybe except for Lego Indiana Jones, (another great game I must say!) which I found out later had some graphics problems due to the fact that I forgot to turn on the Vertical Sync option! Go figure... you'd think they'd tell you about these things!

Anyways, the Original Trilogy (i.e. the first Star Wars Lego game) is located in the Giant folder, which can only be reached by locating the Program Files (x86) folder on your local hard drive. From there, you should be seeing lsw_0, lsw_1, lsw_2, so on and so forth, until you reach 5, since 0-5 makes six, and six are the total number of save games you can save to and load from on these here series of games. Don't ask me why, but I think it has to do with some kinda sick satanic cult thing which is constantly out to sacrifice geek virgins telepathically via the means of cathode tube (or LCD flat screen technology, whichever one you can afford!) governmentally sponsored, privately run, heavily organized and sub-urbanly sponsored, brain washed text messaging/hallucinogenic mind control devices. Of course, their sole purpose is to make us docile so that the visitors from outer space can herd us like the flock of cattle we all really are. So enjoy these fresh cuts of mine, you all mighty Quazark of the Cosmos, generalissimo of Alpha Centauri you!

So, back to the Lego Star Wars II for a moment--- when I first played this game, I played it completely straight through, minus the super story levels, of course, which seem to take like... forever to complete. So after I beat both games, I learned how to successfully import the first collection of unlocked characters from one game onto the other. That was, after several failed attempts, due to the fact that I was only copying the files themselves and placing them in each individual folder. Pretty stupid, I know... but hey! I didn't know it was simply just a matter of copying and pasting the whole folder! So sue me!

Here's a tip for all you die hard gamers... simply play the first level of Episode IV (A New Hope) in order to unlock the other two. And then complete Episode VI (Return of the Jedi) up until chapter 5, which is where you'll get Vader added to your usual lineup. From there on end, it should be smooth sailing, because you'll have a bounty hunter (Leia as Boushh), a dwarf sized character (i.e. Wickett) and a dark forced proned character like Vader, or if you're feeling really cocky, buy yourself The Emperor! Of course, he'll be a bit expensive, so use this advice only at your sole discretion! After that it's simply just a matter of scouting out all the secret minikit locations in free play mode, and saving up to buy your score multipliers, which basically make the whole length of the game fly by overnight!

I have to say that what impressed me the most about this game is the developer's attention to detail. And not detail, as in the landscaped environments which can easily be seen and recognized from the film; even though it's not exactly in the film itself; but it's the little things that draw my attention. For example, C-3PO's adventures on Tatooine calls upon the use of his binary protocol, working with moisture vaporators (remember that from the first film?) to be able to dry up land hazards that'll make continued passage (I mean travel!) possible for the other heroes, to carry on and complete the mission and whatnot. Then there's the womp rats, which we can easily bullseye with either Luke and/or Ben at the helm. Funny, but I just can't imagine the late great Sir Alec Guinness doing somersaults in the air at his age, for some strange reason. So kudos to you Ewan McGregor for bringing it on home! It's the subtle things like this that make me appreciate not only the game, but the movie itself as well. Every time I play these games, it's like that Eskimo mint patty commercial, where I get the urge to watch the film all over again. Don't ask me why... it's just one of those things, I guess!

So, getting back to where this post all started, as I was doing a search for the latest PC Lego games, I was surprised to learn that they finally ported Star Wars: The Complete Saga to the PC as well as the sequel to Indiana Jones, which now features the fourth installment; The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Of course, in this case that title will probably become The Kingdom of the Crystal Stud* Piece, since I just shelled a couple of them out to buy it, along with the Complete Saga just to see what it's like! And being the video game junkie that I am, I'm pretty sure I'll be entertained with them for about a week! I just had to have them anyways, which made for the perfect holiday present for yours truly over here, since everyone usually gets me the usual industry standard gifts like aftershave and cologne. Oh well. It's the thought that counts, but a lot of thought going into something never hurts either... which is why I'd like to share with you all my latest and greatest proposal to the Lego Video Games manufacturer; Traveller's Tales. At least, I think that they're the ones mostly responsible for the product development under the helm of LucasArts and what have you! But at any rate, how about Lego Back to the Future?

Here's a little visual aide for test marketing
packaging purposes, maybe...?

Can't you just picture what a monumental hit this game would be if it were made? Think about it... it already has the essential elements to become the latest Lego port. First off, the movie was a trilogy, which is what these games are normally geared towards. Secondly, it had a cartoon based on the movie, which can easily add to the characters and/or unlockables in the game itself. Third, the movies all had a bitchin' soundtrack, and one doesn't have to be a rocket scientist (or a plutonium smuggling time traveling professor) to easily see the studs being counted and racked at the end of each and every level whilst the opening bars of Huey Lewis' tune The Power of Love plays in the background. That is, if Huey doesn't have anything to say about it, I mean after all... remember that whole business with The Ghostbusters' soundtrack? Yikes indeed!

And if they're really cool, how about an alternate Marty McFly (as envisioned by Eric Stoltz) as the ultimate game unlockable. That would really be something... well, that and probably an easter egg which would include all of his taped footage in the first take of the film (that is, aside from him jumping into the DeLorean in the actual film... yes kids, that's right; that was not Michael J. Fox's stunt double!) Of course, maybe exclusive content is a lot to ask for these days, so we'll just have to wait until the industry decides to release a newly repackaged DVD with all the works. So until then, keep your fingers crossed folks! I know I am...

This has been P.S. Elliott (AKA: Dr. Gonzo XXVII the computer PC game video geek extraordinaire) reporting for the disassociated blog that is The Animate Tripe Chronicles.

* Stud, as in a fictional video game monetary units... whatcha think I was talkin' about?!?

Top Seven Signs...

2009-12-04T10:26:00.001-05:00

All right people, I'm excited to introduce a new segment to this here blog that'll eventually prove to be a running gag, which will either be a staple for the creative contingent of literary dribble that is the crux of this here blog, or will simply serve as some filler for whenever I'm lacking in really great material. Sorry to do this to you... but at any rate, in the tradition of late night host David Letterman, here's my Top Ten List, or actually Top Seven List because a) I can't think of that many reasons for doing what I do in terms of providing some amusing fodder for an avid reader's digestive intake and b) Contextual imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery, but instead the grounds for a copyright infringement! And since I'm earning slave wages and literally drowning in a sea of debt, here goes...

The Top Seven Signs that You're F*$%ing Off At Work

7) You take one too many needless bathroom breaks... not only during your scheduled lunch hour, but before and after that time. And by needless, I mean; just frequenting the toilet stall to either simply sit down and relax, or to check your hair and/or face to make sure that you haven't accidentally rubbed some correctional fluid all over yourself as you were just wiping your nose after the air conditioned sinuses kicked in... and that's usually after you spot some error on your respective paperwork. You see how that works, boys and girls? It's all rigged, I tells ya!

6) If your idea of perfectly scheduled bio rhythmic office hours include a time frame of about approximately 10:30 in the morning 'til about 5:00 in the afternoon is not coinciding or simply conflicting with just the regular 8:30 AM to 5:30 PM office grind, then chances are that you take the sleep deprivation cake on this one!

5) If you browse the internet constantly, despite the continuous amount of warnings from your network computer specialist who will most likely hold a great amount of passive aggressive contempt for your bored to death ass; simply to buy stuff on eBay, check the stock market to see how your shares are doing, or log in and out of Facebook, Twitter, and/or MySpace (preferably all of them in any given setting, simultaneously with all of your respective browser's tabs open all at same time!) only to ring him up and ask if he can fix your computer because it just "stalled on you unexpectedly" then chances are you deserve a medal for your dedicated work as an evil genius...

4) You order your meal for the day (be it breakfast, brunch, lunch, and maybe even dinner if you expect to work late) from any given restaurant chain out there that provides delivery and charge it to your companies' credit card that your office's accounting department just can't balance out to save their lives with. I mean, it's not like they're really going to figure this petty little $29.95 Chinese food expenditure with the highly generous $50.00 tip right away. After all, they've got miles and miles of paperwork to catch up on. What's that? It's 2009 already?!? We're still on the 2005 time zone. Sorry!

3) If you have your iPod, walk man, or any other portable audio listening device surgically attached to your head with the volume level turned on at full blast while they're paging you on the office intercom and/or your boss is standing approximately less than two feet away trying to get your attention. At times like these, it helps to engage in a handy little tunnel vision effect that requires you to appear as though you're really consumed by whatever it is that you're doing, just so as to give the appearance that you actually care enough about your job, but need just a little fix of "Boom, Boom, Pow!" to get by your busy and regularly scheduled work day...

2) You've successfully managed to delve into the whole concept of Life Imitating Art Imitating Life by saving an image of the infamous Dunder & Mifflin Paper Company logo from The Office in order to use it as your desktop wallpaper at work, just to illustrate a highly obscure inside-joke-of-a-point as to how much of an incompetent individual you really are for whatever job it is that you may be assigned to be doing; highly efficiently and/or otherwise...

Yes indeed, the proof
is in the pudding...

1) You actually have the brass to sit down and type up such a foolish list such as this one while you're bored to death at work... need I say more?

This has been the exceedingly laid back P.S. Elliott (AKA: Dr. Gonzo XXVII) reporting for the disassociated blog that is The Animate Tripe Chronicles.

The Tru Art of Rob Small

2009-11-07T12:00:00.009-05:00

Years ago, I met a fellow contemporary artist who's also a good friend of mine by the name of Rob Small. His art can best be defined as the air that we breathe... meaning that it can be everywhere and anywhere; which pretty much encompasses the fluid nature of his work, which seeps into the literal fabric of the things we wear to the pages of the graphic novels we read. His work runs the gamut from the readily urban and accessibly popular, to the more obscure and lesser known to a specific niche type of references. Whether it be a line borrowed from a movie serving as a new cache phrase à la guerrilla art motif, or a piece of clothing that has been modified and custom made with a word or two borrowed from popular culture, Rob Small's art is Tru (sic) in every sense of the word. I was fortunate enough to share a couple of words with him recently, and this is what he had to say... Enjoy!

PS: What artists, be they visual, literary, musical, etc. would you say have the most profound effect on you as an artist and/or as a whole? (Editor's note: I got a little tongue tied with the word literary, now I know what Barbara Walters must feel like on a bad night!)

RS: Hmmm...Well I would have to say, as far as music goes...I would have to say Portishead, I love that stuff! Kind of dark and melancholy, which is kind of funny 'cause some of my stuff is really colorful and bright, but at the same time... I like to you know; use it as a contrast to when I'm feeling down in the dumps. I listen to some Portishead, some Wu-tang, I like a little gangsta.

Visual... let me see, oh! I would say Shepard Fairey, (he's) very influential. I like the propaganda type of look and feel. If this was a video, you would see the shirt I'm wearing... it looks like a dictator tee [laughs]

PS: [laughs] Would you say (that) Shepard Fairey's (brand of) guerrilla art movement has a profound influence on you as an artist?

RS: Hehehe!

PS: I know it's kind of redundant, but...

RS: Yeah, yeah, that's funny... Did you have to think about that?

PS: No, no... it's just that (Editor's note: Apparently I was speaking too fast to decipher exactly what I was saying here, but I think that what was said was basically just a general motioning towards the piece of paper on which the interview questions were on, which Rob just so happen to glance at during the entire course of this interview, which pretty much made everything be downright utterly predictable and not at all spontaneous... note to self: in the future do try to keep the interview questions outside of the field of view from the interviewee in order to maintain the integrity of the random set of questions!)

RS: Yeah, yeah, there you go... Shepard Fairey, very propaganda; very...you know, kind of like...mixing in the guerrilla tactics, like how he used to post up all the stickers all over the place with Andre the Giant that said Obey on it, that was pretty cool. Mmmm hmmm...

PS: How long have you been a commercial artist and what prompted you to venture into this line of work?

RS: Well, I guess I wanted to do this, because... because it's the only thing I know how to do very, very well... [laughs]

PS: [laughs]

RS: ...that I could make money off of, anyway. Um, how long have I been doing it for? Making money off of it... I would say probably like three years, you know... selling little things here and there, doing portraits for people, and starting with the shirts and web design, things of that nature. Ever since I learned web design in college, you know I started to learn, messing with that, and a little graphics here and there; freelancing.

PS: So then... let me get a complete understanding, okay? Aside from you doing the comic books, you do the web design, and you also do like clothing.

RS: Mmmm hmmm...

PS: Which one would you say is your most favorite, you know... particular one to do?

RS: I would say the clothing, because I like the idea of being able to wear art or being able to present it on an everyday basis. I like art being practical art, instead of it just hanging on the wall for people to enjoy, I like practicality, that's what I like. Another thing is the dynamic to the sneaker culture; I kind of see sneakers as an architectural, artistic combination, and then you can also wear it out and put on your feet; and it's practical and useful...

PS: Okay, what genre would you say best describes the sort of your art that you do; would you say it's mainstream and commercial,underground and obscure, or is it relatively unknown with the potential of becoming popular?

RS: Hmmm... I would say it's relatively unknown style that I use. It's like a...

PS: But it's got potential?

RS: Yeah it has the potential to blow up because... well I like to describe it as very Renaissance; not in the sense of the Renaissance that we know. You know; Michelangelo, and you know those guys--- but Renaissance in the sense of like Renaissance man, like a... or mass appeal. Kind of like you know, just art that you could... you know art that you do rare; meaning that anybody from any culture or genre; you know if you're into Rockabilly stuff, I got some of that; if you're into hip hop I got some stuff like that; urban themes, I got Carribean themes, you know rasta stuff, I got you know...all kinds of stuff. I have a different section called Tru Art Noir Art I could go towards, most towards the dark... you know; emo types, you know---those kinds of people. So it runs the gamut, you know? Which is kind of like a cop out, but it's Tru (sic).

PS: So in that sense you would say that the Renaissance is kind of like a rebirth, you know... so to say? How do you say? A reproach to what's already been done?

RS: Right, right, kind of like a rebirth but in the sense that like uh... you know, the way that things are looking now; culturally in the United States and maybe the world, I would say that things are with a lot of melding, meshing of different cultures. You see, like Christian Dior had this whole rasta thing, you know... and this is high fashion, and he had this whole rasta theme, with the red, gold, and green as the primary colors; so he used that theme, and there's another designer, a fashion designer or fashion house called Etro, and they use a lot of native Indian looks and you know, they mix a lot of different things together, making the old line... that's what I'm into.

PS: And how would you say um... President Obama's you know, taking of the office, if you will... how much has that been an influence?

RS: Obama? Hmmm... well, I would say like uh... that the Obama thing is catching up with me in a sense, [laughs] being that the whole Shepard Fairey thing that you mentioned before, and he actually did a bunch of posters of Obama...

PS: Yeah...

RS: ...and so I was on that vibe a while ago, you know. Unfortunately, I didn't have the opportunity to get popular and blow up beforehand, but you know I would say that I was doing the same thing. But influentially, I would say that him being an icon is influential enough for me.

PS: What in your opinion... this one is difficult; defines as a work of art as Tru Art; like what is its characteristic, or continuous theme, if there is one?

RS: I would say that the continuous theme that every piece of art has a message of some kind; it is relaying an idea to you. It's not just art for the sake of art, you know just like pretty colors, pretty shapes, and contours of lines; you know, a lot of people can argue aesthetics...

PS: Mmmm hmmm...

RS: ...and you can say: "Oh! you know... Tru Art is actually just lines, and colors, and shapes!" But for me I would say that Tru Art is something that conveys a message, it conveys a story, almost like a narrative in every design I do... and that's pretty much a narrative; when you look at it, you interpret it, and it's not something that it's like... you don't have to be a major in art to be able to interpret it.

PS: Or appreciate it...

RS: Or appreciate it, exactly...

Well, there you have it everybody, Rob Small; guerrilla artist, graphic novelist, and fashion designer extraordinaire. For more of his artwork, please be sure to visit his Tru Art MySpace Profile or add him as a friend on Facebook. This has been P.S. Elliott (AKA: Dr. Gonzo XXVII) reporting for the disassociated blog that is The Animate Tripe Chronicles.

Eye C... An Interview with John Miller

2009-11-02T18:21:00.026-05:00

When you talk about photography, there are those that simply take a picture and stand back to let the image speak for itself... but very rarely does one happen to come across a true photographer in every sense of the word that can easily put a thousand words into one's mind, or one's mind's eye; so to say. And that photographer is none other than John Miller, whom is a very talented professional that I just so happened to meet recently at The Art of Freedom, located on 1388 SW 8th Street; a very happening place to be, by the way!

On my first outing to this establishment, which has now since been almost about a month ago, he took a couple of pictures here and there, which were all mostly just group photographs of the artists and musicians at the place... which I didn't pay any mind to at first, mind you. But it was shortly after the night was over, that I kept on hearing about just how great some of the photos he took of some of my live stage performance (i.e. a highly impromptu jam, of course) came out, and I was really eager to see them for myself. Of course, John, being the cool cat that he is simply stated something to the effect of: "There's more coming... you'll see them soon!" Never, for one minute, letting on about just how good they all were. So then I started noticing a couple of photos starting to surface all over The Art of Freedom's Facebook Page, and I was completely amazed (literally just floored) by just how fluid and yet very sharp, these shots that he took all came out. What really impressed me the most was how he managed to take a near dimly lit stage and use the random colored house lights to his advantage. To put it metaphorically, (or better yet as a simile...) it's like watching a master painter make a masterpiece out of just a few strokes.

Everybody in the business knows that when you're good, you don't need to do a thousand shots before deciding which one is best. John, on the other hand, knows exactly when to aim, shoot, take a breather, and go on to the next shot. He's a brilliant artist, and a master one at that! The mark of a true artist is when they can easily adapt themselves into the likes of any medium, whereas John's medium is the shutter, a roll of film (digital and/or otherwise), and a subject. He takes stills and brings them to life, right before your naked eye. So without any further ado, here's a little Q & A session that I was fortunate enough to do with this remarkably gifted artist. Enjoy!

PS: Where are you originally from, and if you're not originally from Florida, what prompted the move over here?

JM: I'm from Detroit, Michigan. I moved here to pursue photography, the weather, go to the Art Institute and still be within a couple of hours of the family.

PS: What would you say do you like best about the South Florida scene in general?

"Untitled"
Dated: November 1st, 2008

JM: What I like best about the South Florida scene is the weather and South Beach.

PS: How did you get into photography?

JM: I had a little camera when I was very young but I really started to read, study and experiment with photography when I was 11 and my dad got a Canon AE-1 and I'm pretty sure that I used it more then he did.

PS: What artists, be they visual, literary, musical, and/or otherwise would you say have the most profound influence on your work as a photographer?

JM: My influences and inspiration have come from my favorite photographers like Helmut Newton, Ansel Adams and Gordon Parks.

PS: Do you feel as though your style of photography is a highly evolved art form, or do you view it more as just a down-to-earth/gun-for-hire type of picture taking?

JM: I feel that my style is highly evolved, since I've been developing it for over thirty years...

PS: Just about every photographer/artist/musician out there has their own style or branding that sets them apart from the rest... what would you say best typifies a John Milleresque type of photograph?

JM: How can you tell it's a John Miller photo? I can photograph the simplest of things and then enhance the color and the beauty. So, it will be rich with color, unless it's a black and white, and beautiful... Simple.

"Untitled"
Dated: April 25th, 2008

PS: Which method of photo development would you say that you prefer more? The more traditional type of photo development (i.e. in a darkroom with a sink or tub full of water to develop the picture) or the new era of digital photography where it's just a matter of choosing an effect setting, pointing, and taking the right shot? And can you also give us an explanation as to why you would prefer to use one specific means instead of the other?

JM: Growing up I spent a lot of time in the darkroom, I even built my own in the basement when I was in high school. So, my background is in the traditional method of processing. However, I have become a fan of the speed, convenience and flexibility of the digital age. Instead of shooting, processing the film and then printing the images, you can instantly see if you have the right angle, lighting, composition and overall look your seeking.

PS: Are you of the mindset that vintage photographs fair a lot more on the art market as compared to today's digital age, or would you say that this new technologically influenced genre could in fact compete just as well with more traditional photography? Would it be right to compare the two styles with each other, or would you say they're two entirely different approaches?

JM: It's not really fair to compare the vintage with the technology, they are worlds apart. I believe vintage images to be more valuable since they probably can't be duplicated for whatever reason.

PS: What's your opinion on the art scene down here in Florida? Do you think it's still struggling to establish some worthwhile notoriety, or would you say that it still has a long way to go before it can be on par with say... the scene in New York and/or Los Angeles for that matter?

JM: It seems the Art Scene is growing but it needs more than the once a year Art Basel, which I believe has helped a lot.

PS: And as a follow up to that question, what in your opinion do you think can best be done to raise awareness of the striving arts community down here in Florida?

JM: Raising awareness is a process, another event or two like Art Basel would do the trick.

For more of John Miller's work, please visit his website at WWW.EYECBEAUTY.COM or Check out his work on Facebook. This has been P.S. Elliott (AKA: Dr. Gonzo XXVII) reporting for the disassociated blog that is The Animate Tripe Chronicles.

El Topo - Interview with a Modern Day Renaissance Man

2009-09-30T01:24:00.010-04:00

Months ago, when I was playing the part of a would be musical events coordinator for a little happening art spot on Calle Ocho, by the name of Hooah Art Space, I was able to put together a pretty decent show, which showcased the talents of The Creature Tweaker Council, which is basically a group of awfully talented laptop music engineering mad scientists from an alternate dimension where raving is as common as walking and having a hell of a time is just a rite of passage. The show featured some of the more common Tweakers (as the folks in the know, refer to them as) but there was a last minute surprise guest that wasn't originally scheduled to appear as part of the lineup for the evening. And this artist was none other than Alex Anico or @nico as his business card reads, going under the stage name of El Topo. What immediately struck me was the nicely polished mix containing very eccentric pieces of pop culture. You could basically hear anything from an old Nintendo 8-bit console video game to popular phrases from b-movie horror flicks. And all I could think of was: "Now that's what I call entertainment!"

So a little later, after the show was over, I carefully examined his business card and noticed that he had several other sites which I started checking out. I was then amazed by the fact that he was also a visual artist. I even went as far as fashioning my new business card after his, making sure to include any and all links that I have up; so I figure I owe a great deal to him for this particularly good instance of inspiration. Anyways, time went by and the whole prospect of hosting shows dried up for yours truly, mostly due to the all the needless stress I was undergoing at the time (refer to the T-Central archive posts) and then I got the notion to start uploading some of the slide show video presentations that I originally prepared for the local artists that performed live at the aforementioned venue, and eventually this blog came about as a way of putting the words to moving pictures and whatnot. So, as luck would have it, I just so happened to get a hold of Alex (AKA: El Topo) recently, and suggested to him the idea of doing an interview piece for this here blog. He immediately, and so the story goes... ladies and gentlemen, I'm pleased to present my interview with local laptop beat generator and artist extraordinaire El Topo.

PS: As a fellow artist, musician, and maybe even writer? I'm only guessing on that last title there, mind you... I just have to know what is it like for you to be a Renaissance Man (or two thirds of one at least) in this day and age?

ET: Tiring and stressful, [laughing out loud] but rewarding. It definitely takes a lot of patience but the end result is a satisfaction like no other. The one thing that any "Renaissance Man" (or woman for that matter) must take into consideration is starting off with a good plan of attack in regards to their work. Otherwise nothing gets finished because you spread yourself out too thin.

PS: Do you feel as though that you get more recognition as a performer or as an artist? And which of the two is it exactly that you would much prefer to be remembered for? Art, music, or both?

ET: I don’t do art (music, writing, drawing) primarily for recognition or praise but I’d be lying if I said that it wasn’t nice receiving it. Artwork is my true love (I mean I didn’t become a Studio Art Major for nothing!) so I’d have to say that, is what I would like to be remembered for. I find creating a drawing is a lot more difficult than creating music.

PS: Do you feel that Miami caters more to DJ's than it does musicians? Or are the two different breeds of musicians all in the same boat, which is paying to play, and generally getting little if no pay whatsoever for what they do?

ET: Miami is such a strange beast. It definitely caters to DJ’s more but that is only because it’s such a tourist town. I don’t believe DJ’s are musicians. If they produce their own music they are producers. There’s nothing special about spinning someone else’s music. It definitely bothers me whenever I meet an upcoming DJ or emcee who complains about not getting paid. I find exposure so much more valuable. Honestly if you want to get paid spin top 40 or get a real job. Do this (DJ or produce) because you love it.

PS: What in your opinion, do you think should be done to improve this situation for local performing artists?

ET: Honestly I don’t think there is much one can do other than bust your ass promoting yourself. Miami isn’t really a city that has FULLY embraced the “local artist” like other cities (i.e. New York or Los Angeles) but it’s definitely trying and getting better at it. To say it doesn’t is a lie though. The TM Sisters are a perfect example of local artists who have been embraced by the community and who bust their ass to improve their situation.

PS: Can you tell us what the creative process is like for you when you're putting together a piece? Like for instance, when do you know it's finished, or more importantly when do you know that it changes or evolves into something else?

ET: Ha ha! I think every artist can agree that a piece is never finished! But I get what you mean. I’m pretty spontaneous when it comes to my artwork but as far as music it definitely stems from being influenced by an outside source (be it film, or an experience). I used to sit on the tables outside an eatery in college and just draw people being people. Everyday life is the best fuel for the creative process. But there is a feeling that is hard to describe but every artist experiences. It’s a voice inside that tells you, "Wow!" when you step back and observe your piece from afar.

PS: And by this same token, would you say that live performances hinder your creativity or actually permit you a chance to test the uncharted soundscapes that exist in your brand of club music?

ET: Oh man... there is nothing like performing live. I mean from the butterflies and the nausea you feel right before you hit the stage to the wave of relief that washes away any fears as you begin to perform. And when you hit that tunnel where everything around you disappears and you’re not even conscious of what is going on but you know its perfect, it’s the ultimate test. You can spend your whole life in your room making incredible music but you’ll never know how good it really is until you see other people smashing their heads together at your sounds. Dino Felipe & Otto are some of the greatest performers I’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing. The way they completely lose themselves in their music is amazing.

PS: Would you say that the music that you produce is highly experimental and underground or can it be considered enough to be embraced by the mainstream community? And also, would you welcome that sort of transition or would you prefer to still leave your mark independently, totally devoid of popularity?

ET: My music isn’t really experimental. I grew up listening to break beats, drum and bass, and hip-hop so those are the main genres that I produce. The idea that one’s music can never be embraced by the mainstream is kind of outdated. There is an audience for every genre. And when you say mainstream music I think of top 40 MTV and nowadays there is more hate for that type of music than I’ve ever seen, simply because people are starting to realize that there is actually more music than what Best Buy has to offer.

PS: Tell us a bit about your stage persona... why do you use the masks? Does it have some deep rooted psychological meaning, or is all it just for show?

ET: I love masks. One of the first comic characters I ever created was a demon who was punished by the devil and made to wear 1000 masks. I just feel what people see on stage isn’t the real person who is performing. Plus they tend to remember the mask more than they remember the individual (the mask meaning the alter ego). Every performer/band wears a mask otherwise they would use their real names instead of some pseudonym. (Editor's note: Tell me about it!)

PS: How'd you get or decide on the stage name of El Topo? Can you tell us what it means?

ET: Alejandro Jodorowski is one of my favorite directors and if you know who he is you know of his film El Topo. El Topo means The Mole and a mole spends most of its life underground. Sometimes when the mole rises to the surface too fast it is blinded by the sun. The name El Topo is a reminder to never become full of yourself, otherwise you’ll become blind (not literally) and will be unable to see yourself for who you really are.

PS: Describe your relationship with The Creature Tweaker Council. How long have you been a member, and where do you see this live outfit going in the next couple of years?

ET: I joined CTC about a year and half ago. I’ve been friends with Peasants with Feathers for some time now and when I met Linenoise I was baptized into the organization. I remember at that time CTC was like fifty or something people but they cut it down to only participating members which was a better idea. Now it’s something like fifteen official members as well as a number of honorary members. We are just getting our new label SWAM NOISE off the ground and I believe the next CTC Compilation record should be out soon. Eventually I’d like to see all CTC members on stage at the same time performing in unison.

PS: Can you tell us a bit about your side projects, such as Friends in Square Places and The International Horror Association? Are they just hobbies for you at this point, or do you plan on doing something bigger with those projects of yours sometime in the future?

ET: Actually my music is my real hobby and my comics are my main focuses! [laughing out loud] Friends in Square Places (F.I.S.P.), is a comic series based on my former pets as well as my college experience. I created the main characters Who & Ted back in a chemistry class when I was in high school. It’s a collection of personal experiences, romantic involvements and friends living together and loving life.

International Horror Association (I.H.A.) is a bit different. I’m one of the world’s biggest EC Comics fan. If you don’t know they are responsible for great comics like Tales from the Crypt, Vault of Horror, Haunt of Fear, & Crime and Suspenstories to name a few. I.H.A. is a modern take that pays homage to those series. I also started an online "Live-Action" version of I.H.A. last fall where I would dress up as the host of I.H.A., Raymond, and would stream obscure and classic horror films on Justin.TV. But after showing the ultra-violent Flower of Flesh and Blood I was booted off the site, so until I can set up the streaming on the IHA website the live action version is on hold for now. But you can always expect a comic release every Halloween. Right now I’m finishing up the fourth issue of I.H.A. which will be a detective story titled Crimes of Passion.

PS: Is it hard for you to juggle between being a DJ and being an artist?

ET: Oh man, you do not even know how hard! Sometimes I want to just focus on doing comics but then I go out to a show and hear some dope tunes come back to my apartment and jump on the computer and start busting out tracks for like three days straight. I got to a point where I realized I have to compromise. A little time for art a little time for music.

PS: Tell us a bit about producing tracks... your music employs the use of everything from vintage Nintendo music tracks to movie and TV show samples. What frame of mind does one have to be in in order to come up with these eclectic samples? (i.e. Like what crack are you smokin' kid?!? lol Just kidding... but please elaborate anyways)

ET: Well film is a HUGE part of my life. My father owned a video store when I was younger so I was always watching movies. And now that I’m older, my roommate and I are constantly trying to top each other with a better film. You just know when hear the right sample, or line. The track is just born. I recently saw the 70's Horror Sci-Fi movie called The Demon Seed and it literally spawned the next album. Influence is the ultimate creative spark. But it can’t be just any sample, the obscurity is what makes it genuine.

PS: What's your most memorable moment (to date) performing live?

ET: Emceeing for Andy C and Soul Slinger back during WMC (Winter Music Conference) in 2004 was pretty cool, but to be honest I could give three shits about emceeing for some so called "Superstar DJ". Some of the best moments I've had have to be emceeing at Infrastructure (a drum & bass weekly that ran from '04-'06). Loosing yourself with local DJ’s and friends is what’s best in life. I tell you I could have an awesome time jamming with my CTC crew in front of just a handful of people who are actually listening and studying your beats, even more so than in front of a huge crowd who don’t know who you are and are only there to see the headliner.

PS: I ask this question of all the artists I interview... how well would you rate the importance of online social sites such as Facebook, MySpace, YouTube, etc. when it comes to getting the word out about your music?

ET: INDISPENSABLE! The only reason some of us "bedroom producers" get any kind of notice is cause of social networking sites. Although it can be a little overwhelming. It seems like everyday there is new site that you have to join. I said before I absolutely refuse to join Twitter but I wouldn’t be surprised if I end up doing so out of necessity.

PS: Do you think it's harder to draw more people to a show by word of mouth than it is vs. getting them to show up through an online announcement through these aforementioned popular networking sites?

ET: It’s actually a combination of the two. You can’t put all your eggs into one basket and rely on just word of mouth or just an online announcement. What really brings the people is hard work, perseverance, and the will to continue even during hard times. If you’re passionate about your craft then you’ll do what it takes to bring them in. If you build it... they will come!

PS: And do you think that these networks cause more of a disconnect between the audience and the performer, like say for example if you were to put up a video of you performing live on YouTube, then how different would that performance be if you were to witness it live firsthand and all versus just staying home and catching a live stream of it somewhere? I guess what I'm saying here is... what can I expect from a live El Topo set?

ET: I only play original music, and rarely play the same songs. There is definitely a difference between seeing someone live as opposed to seeing them on YouTube. The disconnection comes from people who can’t break away from social networking sites. You can always expect something different from an El Topo set.

PS: Finally, where do you see your music heading towards in the next few years?

ET: Right now I’m putting together my first Dubstep LP and I expect a few CTC compilations in the coming months. The sky’s the limit. The only place to go is up and as long as the sun, moon, and earth exist, everything will be fine.

So there you have it folks, an exclusive interview/portrait/or whatever you wish to call this piece with Alex Anico (AKA: El Topo). Below are a few more links of his, so please be sure to check them all out...

The PMCRW Productions Website
- PMCRW on MySpace
Friends In Square Places Online
- Friends in Square Places on MySpace
The International Horror Association on the Web
- The I.H.A. on MySpace
El Topo on MySpace

This has been P.S. Elliott (AKA: Dr. Gonzo XXVII) reporting for the disassociated blog that is The Animate Tripe Chronicles.